Traditions

 Some of my fondest memories as a young girl and later as a Mother revolve around family traditions and routines. I recall in my childhood days how we had big family meals on Sundays, oftentimes around our round kitchen table and in our dining room on holidays or other important times. There was always an abundance of home cooked meals and lots of chatter between my siblings and my parents, those were good times.  Those times ceased for the most part when my brothers and my sister went off to college and made their own lives. They did not end abruptly, but slowly over time, leaving just holidays and summertime to gather as a large family group.

Once I had our three children I had Sunday dinners with the children, sometimes my Mother and often my wonderful mother in law, Thelma. Their Father was there as well, often cooking out on the grill in summer and my doing the meal preparation in cooler months. It was a lovely tradition, but never quite rivaled my childhood gatherings. Life changed at one point for all of us and Sunday dinners became fewer and fewer with Thelma often in attendance. Sadly these too ended, due to illness and death of the matriarchs,which happens to most of us.  

Now with the pandemic these gatherings have gone on hold, due to possible contagion and other health conditions and circumstances. I miss these kinds of gatherings, closest to it are meals at my sister Ruth’s home and summer events at my daughters lovely home. My hope is by summer of this year we can begin to gather again, small family events would be nice. I have not seen my oldest son in person in over a year, he is in NYC and events have kept him and his fiancée from traveling. A good family reunion would be lovely also, perhaps next summer. Despite all this past years difficulties, I am thankful for life, family and perhaps building a few new traditions. I would like a big birthday party someday, if for no other reason than to gather with loved ones and reminisce. 

 

Traditions change as do our lives as we age and switch roles, it’s key to keep some of them alive, even if only in our hearts.

Beginnings and Perspective

 Unlike some others I have known, it is my goal to write more blog posts in this year of 2021. Today is the beginning and I have a goal of one blog post per week, 52 posts or more if my muse strikes me. Now that I am retired, I feel this is a good goal and a great way to begin the new year. Last year was very hit or miss with blog posts, mostly miss. The pandemic and other events kept me from having the desire or the ability to compose intelligible thoughts to string into words. As we continue to battle Covid 19, much time is spent inside in a quarantine fashion. Mostly due to not wanting to contract it, and actually I am a big homebody, always have been. That said, I am not an introvert as many of my acquaintances claim to be. I like people-well, most of them, and commiserating with them and people watching are favorite past times I used to do. Unlike others, I also will spend part of each post speaking of myself, but most posts are to share information and perhaps enlighten others as well as provide support so people can compare and share their own personal stories. I am well aware many are very private people, and perhaps are unable to share personal stories, that is okay, too. I would like comments to my blog posts, and would appreciate anyone that does so. Communication is a very important facet in life, and I thrive on it.

My perspective may be far from what yours may be, that is okay and the nature of life and humanity anyway. Differing points of view teach us all, and many times it can be a game changer. Just because we have different viewpoints, does not mean I am right and you are wrong and vice verse. As humans our perspective is often different, but refreshing and interesting to obtain. The election of this past year proved that to me soundly. Some of my friends supported a different candidate than I did, we all had and have our reasons in such situations. I guess one could compare it to the glass half full, half empty concept. Being a positive and progressive person, I almost always see it as half full, with room for more in the container. I also recently saw a meme online showing the number six on the ground, one person seeing it as a six the other seeing it as a nine, to me a perfect representation of perspective. I think with an open mind though and do my best to see issues from the perspective of others. 

As soon as the outside world from mine becomes safe once again, I also want to begin seeing the few friends I have as well as family, and cherished former co-workers. This is not an overly large group, so once the gate lifts, so to speak, it will be an easy task to complete. You see, I am one of those folks that disdains phone conversations, I want and crave person to person contact . Without the facial expressions and the genuinely wonderful time spent with others, phone calls are most often brief and to the point for me. I think most that know me realize that's my stich, and is not formulated out of dislike of any people I might call on occasion. I also hope to reconnect with a few classmates I have connected with on Facebook, its been since graduation from high school since I have seen most of them. There are a sparse few that I care not whether I have contact with them or not, not that I dislike them, just realized that we have little in common anymore. One person, to remain unnamed, has made little or no effort to stay in touch, of course that is due to their busy work/writer/self-important life. Sad to me, but necessary to cut ties to people that ruffle the feathers.

So, in closing, I hope to keep my goal of one per week, if not more. I will try to make them interesting enough that some will want to read to the end, and comment on the post. I wish all a better year this year with many good things to come our way. 

******************************* Balance in all things***********************************

Memories

 

A little over two years ago we moved out here to our quiet and idyllic mobile home in LaFayette. Prior to this, I resided over thirty years in a five bedroom three story home. My three children grew up there, my youngest spent his entire life living there, save two  short months at another home. He recently told me he will always view this as home. I can fully understand that, I grew up here in LaFayette and when I pass by the home of my youth and fond memories flood in. I recall the wonderful childhood I had there, alongside my parents, brothers and sister. I feel fortunate that I had a good childhood with two parents that taught me many important things that I carry forward to the present. 

Moving from a home one has lived in as long as I had is a daunting task. Given other circumstances I had a short window of opportunity to pack and take necessities and cherished things. Many things were given away, donated to the Salvation Army and others left behind. My situation provided that I did not have to empty the contents of the house. My partner Rick and I did all the packing, one of my older sons friends helped us  one day pack the container we rented to move our belongings . The rest we did over the course of a few weeks. Our last few days there we had sold the stove, the washer and dryer , using a laundromat and having takeout food most of the time. I was fairly certain I had packed all we really needed and wanted. The day we moved came and we gathered our cat herd up in carriers and took them via car. My SUV was filled with absolute necessities and fragile items, the container would not arrive for a few days. It was a mind boggling thing looking back on it. My youngest had moved into an apartment shortly before we moved, leaving behind the only home he had ever known. 

We arrived at our new home, first order of business was unpacking the cats and setting them up with food, water and litter boxes. For their safety we shut them in the smallest of three bedrooms with all they would need for a few hours. We unpacked the car and set up the bed. How we did all that still boggles my mind. Several days later the container arrived and we hired the brother of one of our new neighbors, a former classmate, to help unpack the container. He was a workhorse and the container was emptied in short time. We arranged things and slowly it became home. 

In the past two years we have wished several things moved with us, but we did not. I was certain I had moved a cherished write in cookbook I had since I was 20. Everything had been unpacked and it nowhere to be found. It was very disappointing as several cherished recipes were carefully written in there as well as clippings of recipes and other hand written recipes from my Mother, friends and co workers from past employment. The happy ending to this is a few days ago I decided to sort through a photo/memory box in my office cabinet. Amongst the pictures and other cherished memorabilia was the recipe book! What had eluded me for over two years was right there and safe. I had indeed packed it and ferreted in with other cherished items. I am grateful to have it in my possession still.

Memories are often things only contained in our minds. Most of them are of days long gone by, some are things that we value not for their monetary worth but for the memories attached to them. Be assured memories of my old homestead are firmly planted in my mind, most of them fond ones replete with stories of three young children and myself. Memories remain and give us smiles, laughter, tears and many things to be shared. New ones are made here where I am content and feel it is home on a new and different level. Life is calmer, easier and convenient here. It fills and nurtures my soul, and has been a good place to spend time in and with. 

Toxic People

 In life all of us have had circumstances where we are in contact with a toxic person or people. They play games making their behavior the result of their parents, the unfairness in life, and various other excuses. They play passive aggressive games, treat people poorly, never seem to accept blame in situations. Then they play the victim despite their end result being of their own crafting. 

Sometimes it can be a relative, a co worker or even the philosophy that a group accepts. Often we have no choice but to remain within the reach of the toxic situation, we live with the family member, have a job that pays well that we like, but we try our best to avoid interaction with the toxic negativity. At one job I held, this woman co-worker was a holy Hell, even management kowtowed to her, making her even more powerful. Thankfully after several years her own activities sabotaged her job. We spoke of it in murmurs, but no one dared put it on the table.

Some families have such toxic member that they participate minimally in family gatherings as it is just not worth their sanity. I know a few people that have worn this role and many that still do. One person has a brother that thankfully lives a coast away. It is interesting to watch these people in action, but not for long. Continuing to tolerate their behavior just gives them strength and continued toxicity.

When you can, completely avoid this kind of person. If you cannot, do your best to limit your contact as to keep your soul and sanity as intact as possible. When you play into their nonsense, you unwittingly provide them with what they want. Do these individuals ever change? Personally, I have never seen it, they are blamers, blithely never accepting personal responsibility. Do you resemble a toxic person? Perhaps if you think you may be one, you should ponder what you can do to change the tide.

The Company of Misery

     When I think of the word misery, several things come to mind. First, I think of one of my favorite authors, Stephen King, and his work Misery as well as the movie and Kathy Bates brilliance is making her author pay for his riddance to her favorite character. I also think of the saying misery enjoys company, though truly most of us do not want to join in and be miserable with another, in fact we may do much to avoid such an entanglement.
     Recently I encountered, yet again, an individual that seems to be miserable much of the time. Due to their proximity to me three days a week, there is little I can do to avoid seeing their misery so much of the time, but I refuse to contribute to it and avoid them as much as humanly possible. Nothing in their world seems to be right, there is always something wrong and someone has always irritated them in some way. They continue to judge others and expect their current situation to be as they wish it to be or else them mutter and sputter to themselves. My observation continues to make me wonder how they live inside their skin each and every day, 365 days a year. I wonder if they ever realize their disdain of others is solely motivated by their need for control as well as attention. This person is younger than I , in good health, physically fit and not ugly in any way, save their personality. Everyone seems to step lightly around them, myself included, and that serves to only keep things as they are. Recently I made a conscious decision to remove myself from situations involving them whenever I am able. My free time will no longer be marred by their diatribes, cupboard slamming and sputtering and muttering under their breath. I find somewhere else to spend my free time and extinguish their audience for the time being.It's as though they need someone to join them in their delight in being miserable.
     I do wonder what occurred in their life that made them this shrewish and unhappy soul. We can be as some as blame our behavior on circumstances and others, or we can do our best to choose our reactions and be a positive influence in the world instead of being hateful and spiteful. When you look at a situation, remember the part you may play to perpetuate it. Kindling a good fire is always something we should do, a raging and senseless blaze is one we do not need to contribute to. I choose consciously not to contribute or join the company of misery.

                                         
                                          ~~~~~~~~~~Balance in all things~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorting Things Out

Thirty one years, seems like a long time when one thinks about it. Truth is, it passes quicker than you can or will ever believe it could . I have spent that amount of time living in this one home, that sheltered me and three children so very well. When we moved there, Amanda was 5, Thomas 1 and Paul was less than two months old. I organized well when we moved from Midler Avenue to East Genesee. Things were well packed and labeled despite having three children to care for. My then husband had a wonderful job, it afforded us movers for a full day and that was a blessing in itself. Now it is Rick and I packing, as the closing date approaches ever nearer, my sense of motivation improves some, but it was a daunting task. My youngest child, Paul, moves out tomorrow to his first solo apartment. He has lived here with me all this time . I am happy for his independence, but sad to think of my nest truly empty. The empty part makes the home become just a house once again. Gone are the three residents that made life there so worthwhile. Tears are flowing as I put these words down , life is changing, as it always does.

Sorting through things brings memories, but also makes me wonder why I collected things I did. Perhaps I was trying to fool myself that someday I would once again have the large parties and family gatherings we had at the beginning of life here. The sheer size and comfort of that house lends well to events where family and friends gather. Once my children’s Father and I divorced, there was no time for parties, the finances were tight and my friend supply and time dwindled to a few faithful folks. I now realize my collections of dishes and tchotchkes were to fool myself life had not changed much at all. Hindsight being 20/20, I now see that was a futile attempt to rebuild what I thought I had lost forever. I think that is why it is so easily given to folks I know who will use the dishes happily and for gatherings they have now. Reality is they are only things and hold little charm nor value to me any longer.

Starting anew in a smaller and easier space is an adventure to look forward to. Rick and I will put our own twist on it and make it comfortable for us. I doubt there will be too many gatherings, but I do look forward to the few we do have. I love people, do not get me wrong, but large crowds and the like are discomforting to this anxiety riddled woman. Most do not realize I am truly an introvert with extrovert tendencies in my public persona. My busy life of working and raising three children as best I could to adulthood kept me too busy to hold on to or attract many friends. At times I was too needy in trying to forge a new relationship with a man, due to feeling I had failed so miserably. That propelled me into a second failed marriage as well as several so-so relationships with men I met. Thankfully I met Rick over ten years ago, we have had our share of trials in life, but they have served to strengthen the bond we share. In many ways we are polar opposites, but we complement each other well. Without his support through this moving out saga, I fear I might have lost my mind. Those that once would have stood by me in this are either gone from life, moved away, or we have grown apart from one another. My lovely daughter is a newly married wife, and a busy career RN with a great social life. My second born and first son lives in NYC, with his wonderful partner in life and they have a great lifestyle and careers that keep them busy. My third born and youngest son has begun a new career that keeps him busy and has secured his first apartment and will not be far away if needed. Life has been good for me, I was given the gift of three children that have grown to be wonderful young adults. When we are truly successful st parenting, our fledglings grow strong and leave the nest. It’s a daunting day in some ways, but satisfying to realize you have done a decent job after all is said and done. The bottom line of all this is that I stayed here in that house for both myself and my three children. I did not want my life or their’ any more difficult if possible. Without my fledglings as reason, my life would have been meaningless and empty. With a half smile/smirk I tell myself , “you done good Robin, very good...”

Balancing Act

I find sometimes I get my best ideas from reading others posts, blog or otherwise. This morning I read a blog post about balance and what works for this person. It spurred me to compose this blog and is kind of like point/counterpoint in its essence.We all have a balance we like to keep in our lives, for each of us it is different and what works for one might not for the next. Comparing my life to anyone else's life is a silly and futile exercise. I need to be comfortable in MY life, as  YOU need to be comfortable in your life. I have often thought that one of the worst excuses for a sloppy house/life, whatever your surroundings are, is that raising your children is the most important thing and the housework can wait. While I do not disagree with this statement, we need to teach and model a good life for our offspring, helping them find their own individual balance. Part of life is giving children a solid basis for independent life and helping them function well in the "outside" world. My children had chores, and learned to cook, clean and do many basic things that are essential to a decent life. Setting personal boundaries within ones life is a task one needs to do for themselves.While the tidy/clean house should NOT be the most important thing in ones life, it needs to be a balanced part of a balanced life. If you can function and be essentially comfortable in a chaotic surrounding, then go for it. My personal need is orderly, and not as antiseptic as the younger, idealistic me wanted things. Three children, many pets and a single Mom life forced me to let down my OCD home standards to a more plausible level to keep up with. My children have become adults, only one living here with my life partner and myself, so it is three people living in a large and mostly organized space. My biggest mess makers are now my cats, they shed, make litter box dumping essential on a daily basis, and entertain me and comfort me often., as well as provide entertainment and a lot of laughs. I work forty hours a week, and am fortunate to have someone that does much of the cooking, and shares in the laundry and cleaning of our home. He makes sure that the laundry gets washed, I fold and put it away.  We both clean the bathrooms, with him doing the floors.It is a partnership that works, we never had to outline any "rule" per se, it just happened. In a good relationship this is how I think it should work, sharing the tasks and each doing what they are best at. When so few of you reside in a place, if you just put things where they belong and do a minimal amount of upkeep, there is no reason for it to get out of hand, save illness and occurrences that prevent one from the basic maintenance of said domicile. I watch very little television, read only on occasion, I find such solitary past times to not entertain me or calm me at all. I play online games, would prefer board or card games with a few others, I keep abreast of the news via internet channels and contact friends mainly via text and emails. My eight hour work days is spent on the phone and computer dealing with inbound and outbound calls as well as alarms, so multi-tasking at work is a must. The same is true at home for the most part.I despise phone conversations, I would much prefer a chat over coffee or lunch, interpersonal connections flow much better in real life than in the world of phone lines. Many of my acquaintances are voracious readers, and they often are in disbelief that I do not do the same. I do not expect you to fit into my life guidelines, so do not judge me for not having the same system of life as you. As I said earlier in this missive, balance is a very personal thing, and we all need to set the knob where it works for us and our own individual situations.If things are not working the way YOU want them to, time to take stock of your balancing act and make changes if that will make things work better for your life. Balance is different for us all, find your own and run with it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Balance In All Things~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~