Life is essentially a wonderful thing, fraught with highs and lows, but mostly generic types of experiences that when we look back down the road , don't really stand out as good or bad, they just ARE. That being said, a life-long school friends inquiry as to my attendance at our fortieth high school reunion brought back a flood of essentially negative and difficult times. You see, gentle reader, beginning in fifth grade, I began the metamorphosis we label adolescence . I was taller than all the boys that year, began my monthly menses, had numerous ugly bouts with acne, and the usual experiences of the adolescent changelings body and mind. A new and, to me, very cute boy moved to our small town and that signaled part of my problems for the next decade of my life. Attractive as he was, and may still well be, he became my nemesis, taunting me to the point of tears countless times. Due to his popularity, most of the boys in my class and some of the girls as well, followed suit and joined in. From the casual observers point of view , it must not have looked like a big deal at all. Suffice it to say, from a first- person point of view, it was painful in multiple ways. Despite the best attempts of two different well- meaning teachers in elementary school, the taunting continued, sometimes subtly, other times overt and in my face. I grew a thick exterior and learned well the art of biting my lip to prevent tears from scalding my cheeks. I avoided many situations and social gatherings in high school. Grade- wise I did we'll, graduating 11 th out of my class of just under 100. It was after this segment of my life I moved away and healed, only to the larger city near that small town mentality, but I gained strength of purpose, character and conviction to never propagate such negativities in others lives. Working in the mental health field for over twenty years, my own experiences tempered my viewpoint as well as my approach to helping others. I became the strong woman I am today, the good listener and purveyor of positive affirmations and actions. I have found the knowledge to have gained so much through my own negative life experiences, almost nothing compares to my own " wonder years" in terms of lessons and influences. I will unashamedly admit I have assisted others to sift through remnants of what often is so very much worse than anything I ever went through, and assisted them in coming to terms with discomfort and self- reproach.
What this all boils down to is the reason I shall not be attending any present or future class reunions. I have a few cherished friends I have remained in contact with these forty past years, and connections with them are meaningful to me and have purpose. Spending time with the rest, well, not desirable in any way, shape or form. I cannot begin to allow my psyche to experience any flashbacks I haven't experienced since then. It serves no useful purpose in the continuum that is my life from now until its cessation. Life in its current form is good, despite two failed marriages , continued battles with obesity, as well as other health issues. My mental health is strong, my physical health better than in many years, I am satisfied to stay firmly in the here and now and leave the past firmly where it's place is meant to be. I have forgiven as much as I can, forgotten little, but gained much from the hands life has dealt me.
Life is essentially a wonderful thing, fraught with highs and lows, but mostly generic types of experiences that when we look back down the road , don't really stand out as good or bad, they just ARE. That being said, a life-long school friends inquiry as to my attendance at our fortieth high school reunion brought back a flood of essentially negative and difficult times. You see, gentle reader, beginning in fifth grade, I began the metamorphosis we label adolescence . I was taller than all the boys that year, began my monthly menses, had numerous ugly bouts with acne, and the usual experiences of the adolescent changelings' body and mind. A new and, to me, very cute boy moved to our small town and that signaled part of my problems for the next decade of my life. Attractive as he was, and may still well be, he became my nemesis, taunting me to the point of tears countless times. Due to his popularity, most of the boys in my class and some of the girls as well, followed suit and joined in. From the casual observers point of view, it must not have looked like a big deal at all. Suffice it to say, from a first- person point of view, it was painful in multiple ways. Despite the best attempts of two different well- meaning teachers in elementary school, the taunting continued, sometimes subtly, other times overt and in my face. I grew a thick exterior and learned well the art of biting my lip to prevent tears from scalding my cheeks. I avoided many situations and social gatherings in high school. Grade- wise I did we'll, graduating 11th out of my class of just under 100. It was after this segment of my life I moved away and healed, only to the larger city near that small town mentality, but I gained strength of purpose, character and conviction to never propagate such negativity in others lives.I also learned this person did the taunting they did due to some sort of "little-man syndrome", so I hypothesize. Working in the mental health field for over twenty years, my own experiences tempered my viewpoint as well as my approach to helping others. I became the strong woman I am today, the good listener and purveyor of positive affirmations and actions. I have found the knowledge to have gained so much through my own negative life experiences, almost nothing compares to my own " wonder years" in terms of lessons and influences. I will unashamedly admit I have assisted others to sift through remnants of what often is so very much worse than anything I ever went through, and assisted them in coming to terms with discomfort and self- reproach.
What this all boils down to is the reason I shall not be attending any present or future class reunions. I have a few cherished friends I have remained in contact with these forty past years, and connections with them are meaningful to me and have purpose. Spending time with the rest, well, not desirable in any way, shape or form. I cannot begin to allow my psyche to experience any flashbacks I haven't experienced since then. It serves no useful purpose in the continuum that is my life from now until its cessation. Life in its current form is good, despite two failed marriages , continued battles with obesity, as well as other health issues. My mental health is strong, my physical health better than in many years, I am satisfied to stay firmly in the here and now and leave the past firmly where it's place is meant to be. I have forgiven as much as I can, forgotten little, but gained much from the hands life has dealt me.I write to share my own journey, not to be published and gain fame or fortune, but more to elucidate others on how one can build on personal experiences, even when they seem ghastly or unbearable. I think we all have purposes in life, mine is to foster as much positive energy as one woman can put forth in a short time on this Earth we inhabit. It is through sharing that we give of ourselves, our wisdom, energies, and help others to see things from another viewpoint they may previously have been unaware of. We owe ourselves and others the experience we can gain from a heightened awareness of each of our life's journeys.
~~~balance in all things~~~
