Laundry and Life

    Sitting here awaiting the completion of the wash cycles sure gives me time to contemplate many things. For nearly two months I have come to the laundromat to wash my duds and linens. The demise of my washer and dryer just days apart made this weekly journey a necessity . The most laborious part of this weekly endeavor is getting it to my vehicle. Most weeks I have accomplished that feat with the able assistance of the two sons and "da nephew", that too has been a blessing. Most times they also tote it in when I return . Getting many loads washed and dried in less time than at home has been a blessing as well. This time away is well-spent, never quite the same way twice. One time I had a lively and lovely conversation with a woman my age and in a similar life-mode. We found common ground immediately and enjoyed some great exchanges of life stories and ideas. Sometimes eccentric individuals engage me in conversation, and even these conversations are interesting and provide needed adult contact with the world outside of my co-workers and home dwellers. The routines many keep surrounding their laundry are often interesting and entertaining, in short, each time here has been enriching in its own unique manner .  I guess I am glad for the difference this unexpected change in my domestic routine has given me. I know it will be some time before I get the cash together to purchase a new laundry pair, but even the thoughts of that have given me fertile ideas and plans to hopefully execute in the future. I guess I never expected the displeasure over the demise of my two most used appliances to make a difference, but it has. Take today, I have had the time and opportunity to work on a blog entry. I enjoy my blog writing, and though I will never earn money doing this, I enjoy crafting my tale, developing the story and putting the words to "paper", then committing the words to a blog posting. In this case, I am entering my words on my trusty IPhone . Though the keyboard is small, it is easy to enter the words, edit and make the final copy to be set down as another entry in my ramblings. Though I am not a "writer" as such, I feel pride and satisfaction in producing my little vignettes. Do they make a difference? Sure, for me, mostly, but someone may read and it may inspire them to some sort of realization or action in their own lives. Just as I enjoy cooking, I cannot call myself a Chef, and though I sew and create seeing, needlework and other fabric arts, I am by no means an artist. Despite this, all my activities bring meaning to my life and make me the person I am and strengthen my mind, body and soul. I do these things for me, not to impress others. Life is too short to worry about pretentious acts to make others think I am anything but what and who I am.

In the humbling act of weekly laundry, I have found gratitude, solitude and enrichment, things I never found when staying within the walks of my home and completing the same ritual. It makes me proud of my strength, my abilities and my keen mind ever churning and making sense out of life's daily actions. Truly simplicity can find one grace and fortitude to keep marching forward with life's challenges , they are put there for reason and rhyme, of that I am certain.
                                                                ~Balance in all things~

Stepping Outside

There comes a time in everyone's life where you get caught up in the undertow and it feels as though you will never be released from the vortex you are caught in. I am thankful those times in my life are few and far between. Watching others in their struggles can often be nearly as difficult and a slippery slope to try to scale to assist the other person. You see, the key is you need to walk beside them and offer someone and something to hold onto, but in reality that other person has to truly do the work to get themselves released from that negative undercurrent. Sounds easy, but in most cases it truly is not. We tend to get so self-absorbed in the entire situation when we are floundering, that we lose perspective on where we have been, where we are and where we need to go. No one truly enjoys misery and being in the gloomies, but raising oneself from the "dead" is a hard lift to begin and complete. It takes strength, courage and pure determination to chip away at it, one step at a time. It seems to me one if the most difficult aspects is stepping outside of oneself, peering back in and figuring out the steps and path to take to begin the journey one needs to undertake. For me, that involved becoming cognizant of my strengths and weaknesses, and radically accepting the situation at hand.  For me, I also needed to learn to assist others in their plights, for in aiding others one gains a sense of purpose and increases their self worth to a degree that buoys and lifts them, giving the needed energy to continue one's own personal life journey. I learn so much from my own struggles, as well as from others . But one needs to remember to also focus on achievements, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem at the time. Each small degree of climb out of the depths brings us closer to brighter days and better times, which is why stepping outside of oneself is so very critical to success in ones own personal journey. Humans are truly not designed nor meant to journey through life without the support, company and wisdom of others. Solitary journeys sometimes are good, but most often we need others to make for a truly satisfying and meaningful experience.




~Balance in all things~

Giving Thanks

Some few days before Thanksgiving arrives and I am sitting alone in a dark and peaceful space thinking of the weeks to come. Life holds so many twists and turns, our handling of them ultimately decides much of our journey as well as the mindset we bring along with us. Bad things inevitably occur along our pathways in life. Despite the best of plans, some darkness must cross into our way to assist us in being able to recognize the true and dearest joys within our lives. I do not feel these negative events occur to punish us, but rather to enlighten us and help to refill our well of gratitude's as well as give us perspective on where we need to go and what we need to do to get to that endpoint.

As I sit here in the beautiful glow of a flickering wood stove, I am reminded that life's most wonderful pleasures and treasures are right within our grasp and cost us nothing but time and faith that things will go the way they should go for us. If all of us truly look at each of our days, we can find daily gratitude's to pay mind to and utter aloud. Often we miss so many things we have that enhance and make our lives wonderful every day.

Now it is Thanksgiving day, I have worked and had some sleep, and continue to ponder on thanks in my life. I am thankful not only for my job but for the mere ability to be able to work. So many are unemployed, out of work due to illness and I think many take the obvious for granted. I am thankful to have decent health, sufficient food, a wonderful home, friends to enjoy and family that I love nearby. Traditions have changed as I have grown older, but I realize this is just part of the rhythm of life itself. I am grateful to have had two parents who loved one another and raised five strong children into five adults. I am grateful to have had an older brother who I looked up to in a multitude of ways, though he has left this earthly plain, Gary will always be a part of me with many wonderful memories to make me smile often.  I am grateful for my own three adult children, each has made me have pride in them. I am thankful for other loved ones in my life that hold me up and give me strength, happiness and wisdom. I am grateful for all who support me emotionally and walk with me in my daily journey in life. I am also grateful for the intense positive attitude I have been blessed with and my ability to see everyday the best side of things possible, as well as the opportunity to learn from my errors and negative experiences along the way. For me, the glass has always been half full and I am grateful for that. I am confident that my life will continue to be filled with good and bad times that I can learn from and use to move forward .

I have no magical formula, only a belief that life is a wonderful gift that I am grateful for and appreciate more each passing day and year. May you all find the thanks and gratitude's in each of your own life's journeys.
~Balance in all things~

At Arm's Length

In this world it seems people all have different needs for their personal space as well as desire for physical proximity to others, not just with strangers but in their given and chosen relationships they have in their life. Research has shown most folks need several arms lengths between themselves and total strangers. Situations such as elevators and other space issued situations cause uneasiness and anxiety for many people. Call it your comfort zone, we all have them and I have observed they vary greatly from person to person, as well as from situation to situation. It is understandable in the stranger situation where ones tolerance level to proximity to an unknown person or group of people causes discomfort. What puzzles me is when individuals in relationships of a much more known and intimate level, distance and create barriers to avoid physical closeness with family, friends and even lovers. The very person you love needs and desires to be close to you, that is most of the time. In a fledgling relationship, often times the need for closeness can often border on overwhelming, but that is when individuals are gaining trust, respect and want to let the other person feel loved, wanted and needed. Once a level of comfort is gained, often times the need for physical closeness diminishes, but remains an important facet to the relationship.

Finding a match in reality that most closely mirrors ones own intimacy and physicality imprint is a daunting task at times.  Often we hope for the very best but end up accepting what we find in our partners in life and romance.  Sometimes this can be labeled "settling" and sometimes it is just a radical acceptance of someone whom fits our needs and interests most closely in every other way. It seems one can never truly get a perfect match in all areas of our lives, so we strive to get the best we can and make it work for us within the framework of what works for us in a given situation. We all have our own personal limits of what we want, versus what we can tolerate, and accept to be relatively happy and stable individuals.

Sometimes I think what happens with couples is that we grow too accustomed to one another, and one partner often ends up more on the giving end than the receiving end, often times at their own hands and acceptance of what the other person is willing to give or offer in terms of intimacy. In life nothing should ever be a 50/50 proposition, each person should come to the table prepared to give 100 percent of themselves, when there is a deficit, then the total will still most likely always exceed what the relationship requires to be mutually satisfying. It is key not to take anything or anyone for granted, they could be gone tomorrow for any given or unexpected reason, and leave one reeling in the pain of loss. Healthy, good and mutually satisfying relationships require work on the parts of all individuals involved. Being stingy with ones affection, time or assistance can eventually cause an erosion and/or meltdown of the entire situation, causing damage that may become permanent or irreparable Keeping a watch on the simmering pot of any relationship is the full responsibility of all involved individuals. As in most situations, communication is one of the key elements to keeping things simmering, and not boiling over, or drying out.

In summary, keeping your fingers on the pulse of one another can truly keep things percolating along and just strengthen and maintain what a good relationship is meant to be. One just needs to take the time to listen, look and think. Put yourself in the place of the other person on a regular basis is a good way to avoid results that will make for vexation and disappointment in your life.

~Balance in all things~. 

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Tangled Webs of Deceit

Perhaps Sir Walter Scott said it the best, " Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive."  I wonder what makes people resort to the practice in the first place, it would seem that they had motives that drove them to wander from what the truth is and hide behind lies and perhaps a few half-truths. The motives may have been to spare people from getting or being hurt. I think much of the time they resort to deceit for their own purposeful gain, and to perhaps have the best of both worlds, or even escape from the reality of their life that they may find to be less than what the desire or feel they need to have to feel as though they are fulfilled and happy adults . The problem lies in when the person having the truth kept from them finds out what the truth is. Often times one wants to deny that they have been on the receiving end of deceit and deception. I know I have felt that way. When a partner in your life is seeing another, when they are supposedly betrothed to you, it hurts in a way one never forgets. It makes one mistrust and having to learn all over again how and when to trust others, and believe they are worthy of someone being honest with them and valuing how they feel. For this woman, the same holds true in important people in their life withholding  important facets of information from them, or distortion of the facts to avoid having confrontation or questioning. In a truly open relationship, of course we cannot know every bit about one another, but we hope that honesty and trust can lead each other to have value and respect for one another. For me I have learned to forgive, but forgetting is the impossible part for me to ever learn to do. It diminishes over time, but forever it remains, much like a carved message on a tree that continues to grow and change, but the mark left on it remains, becoming a part of the tree forever. Information withheld, becomes secretive, although it may be far from what the fact of the matter is. Making something clandestine serves to make it seem forbidden, perhaps exciting if not more important than it truly is or ever was meant to be. Sure some things are not meant for everyone or even anyone to share, but repeated acts of secrecy and hidden relations end up making things look as though they are something to hide and be ashamed of. If a relationship is important enough and wholesome, nothing needs to be hidden or covert. If it is a friend you need to stay in touch with from the past, then stay in touch but openly without hiding it from others who may interpret it as something else all together different than what it appears to be to them. You see my dear and wise readers, when one makes something a forbidden fruit, it creates doubts where there previously were none or few. It makes something that may be harmless , into something harmful.  People need to be honest with one another, if it is of value make each other understand what your needs are and work together to create the relationship that you need to be in place to get your mutual needs met, both physically and emotionally. Physical needs without the balance of emotional needs in tandem make for a scale that is tipped to one side that will truly never fulfill your life the way you truly want and need it to be.
~balance in all things~

Words and Actions

People talk all the time about doing things, sometimes they are speaking of trivial items, such as chores they need to accomplish in their household, or errands they need to run. Other times they are speaking of life and all the intricacies involved therein, about the things they need to do for life to be good, for it to improve, for it to be more serene and calmer. In both cases actions have to take place for things to occur, if one just speaks the words and does not apply action to the intent, nothing will take place and things will remain static, unchanged. In short, words need to match actions and vice verse.All the talk in the world will not make it so, and all the actions untied to any framework or reference will not fall into place and achieve the desired effect and affect.

One of my co-workers talks all the time about a relationship of theirs, how it is going nowhere, how they need to break free from it and change their lives. After less than one day of  their divestment of the relationship, they are right back into the thick of it, and wondering why things are the same. I asked them why they continue to repeat the same actions again and again, but expect different results. I posed to them that perhaps they need to re-define this relationship, not toss it out but work systematically to change where it is going. The answer I get is that their partner does nothing to change so why should they? They also state they really have not and do not discuss their dissatisfaction with the current direction of things with them, I point out that without open and direct communication, one can not expect the other person to have knowledge of what is going on, what is desired, and what the other expects, wants and needs.If you keep taking dough, sauce and cheese, you will always get pizza of one variety or another, and maybe pizza is not what they are looking for. A basic understanding of the importance of true communication is what is missing from this persons equation, they just keep running headlong into the same brick wall that they continue to reinforce with the same mortar and brickwork.

Words are truly meaningless unless the actions that go along with them accompany the thoughts and intents carried within the words. I can liken it to a politicians promise at election time, fervent words spoken repeatedly to gain followers and support, but then the words are rarely carried to fruition. The same holds true in everyday situations.You can promise all you want in terms of things you will do, ways you feel about or for someone, but if you do not follow the words with deeds that show and reinforce the feelings, things that accomplish the promised task, you build a wall of disappointment, and of broken promises and expectations never delivered upon.

I was taught at the knee to not promise things you cannot deliver, and for the most part have striven to do this whenever possible.When I cannot deliver, I re-define what I have promised and try to approach it from another angle. What it boils down to is just doing what is needed to make things happen, and when a hurdle gets in the way, figure out how to step over, around or under it. In a partnership, BOTH need to be active listeners and do-ers. Sitting on the sidelines watching does not work very well, nor does standing on a podium and making promises one never acts upon. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When things get stalled, get in a huddle and figure out what needs to happen for the plan to come to being.Nothing should truly ever be fifty-fifty, with each putting half in. Rather it should be one-hundred/one-hundred, both giving it their all . Then the whole will always exceed the sum parts and present as more than one expects. Getting more than one planned for in a positive action plan is never a bad thing.
 ~balance in all things~

Realistically Cynical

Many times I have been subject to being told I wear rose- colored glasses. My thought is that some perceive my largely positive outlook to be more of an uninformed Pollyana- type mentality .  Often when people talk to me and get to know me better they then realize I am not ignorant, poorly educated or insufficient in gray matter. I am simply put, a glass half full kind of gal. I almost always look to find the positive in things, be it a person's best attribute, a lesson learned from a bad experience, how it could have been worse, I just gravitate towards positive. I know many who come into contact me do not feel this to be a realistic way to experience life. However, I flat out disagree and know that for most of my adult life this is what keeps me sane, grounded and mostly satisfied with life and the way things are. This is my realism, my way of coping and what works for ME. I know this does not work for everyone, we all need to adapt our responses and attitudes to what works for us in our lives. It is my mantra to live and let live. much of the time. If I see someone struggling with their life, I often try to empathize with them and help them analyze what THEY might need to do. What works for me may not work for them, and vice verse of course. That being said, there are situations and individuals I avoid mostly because I know that we will never be able to agree, and interactions with them are akin to petting a cat in the wrong direction. This is a cynical as I get.

Avoiding intolerant individuals and situations is something I like to do whenever and wherever possible. Certainly there are times and places we just have to buck up and enter such situations or deal with abrasive people when we have no choice. Working in the customer service industry these days, I certainly find myself on the receiving end of abrasive people from time to time, but I pride myself on most always being able to turn that same situation around, ending my call with them feeling better and me knowing I have been able to solve a situation or get them the assistance or what-have-you they require at this moment in time. In customer service land and in real life, there are some individuals you will never be able to satisfy no matter what hurdles you jump over trying. No matter what you try to do, they are still disgruntled and just cannot let go of their hostility, negativity and cynicism. In such matters, I still do my very best, whether in real life or through the phone line. I can release myself from responsibility knowing I have done my utmost to assist, but know that there is no winning with these individuals. I let it go, mentally cleanse the situation from my mind, and let it go. The key for me is in not personalizing the situation. That, my friends is self-preservation at is most basic in my minds' eye. Negative feelings and issues need to be mowed down and raked aside, much like an overgrown lawn. Hanging on to this kind of situation only fuels more anger and keeps us from moving forward to more important and valuable situations within our lives.After all, things worth hanging onto are prizes, and I wonder why anyone would want to hang on to anything that makes them feel angry, cynical and is just despicable in most senses of the word. My only guess is that some do not love themselves enough to take care of themselves by dispelling such thoughts and situations. I do not forget what transpired, I take the lesson, file it carefully and know things more important will occupy my time from thereon in.

Summing it up, we all need to do what works for each of us individually. My method is to avoid stepping on toes, my own included, at all costs. I like to act from the positive end of the spectrum, it is closest to the ideal I hope to reach in most situations. We all need to adapt what works for us, though if you keep reacting and acting in the same type of way and are not getting where you want to, then perhaps you need to look at your stance and figure out what could work better and what you can do to precipitate change for yourself.

~balance in all things~