The Company of Misery

     When I think of the word misery, several things come to mind. First, I think of one of my favorite authors, Stephen King, and his work Misery as well as the movie and Kathy Bates brilliance is making her author pay for his riddance to her favorite character. I also think of the saying misery enjoys company, though truly most of us do not want to join in and be miserable with another, in fact we may do much to avoid such an entanglement.
     Recently I encountered, yet again, an individual that seems to be miserable much of the time. Due to their proximity to me three days a week, there is little I can do to avoid seeing their misery so much of the time, but I refuse to contribute to it and avoid them as much as humanly possible. Nothing in their world seems to be right, there is always something wrong and someone has always irritated them in some way. They continue to judge others and expect their current situation to be as they wish it to be or else them mutter and sputter to themselves. My observation continues to make me wonder how they live inside their skin each and every day, 365 days a year. I wonder if they ever realize their disdain of others is solely motivated by their need for control as well as attention. This person is younger than I , in good health, physically fit and not ugly in any way, save their personality. Everyone seems to step lightly around them, myself included, and that serves to only keep things as they are. Recently I made a conscious decision to remove myself from situations involving them whenever I am able. My free time will no longer be marred by their diatribes, cupboard slamming and sputtering and muttering under their breath. I find somewhere else to spend my free time and extinguish their audience for the time being.It's as though they need someone to join them in their delight in being miserable.
     I do wonder what occurred in their life that made them this shrewish and unhappy soul. We can be as some as blame our behavior on circumstances and others, or we can do our best to choose our reactions and be a positive influence in the world instead of being hateful and spiteful. When you look at a situation, remember the part you may play to perpetuate it. Kindling a good fire is always something we should do, a raging and senseless blaze is one we do not need to contribute to. I choose consciously not to contribute or join the company of misery.

                                         
                                          ~~~~~~~~~~Balance in all things~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorting Things Out

Thirty one years, seems like a long time when one thinks about it. Truth is, it passes quicker than you can or will ever believe it could . I have spent that amount of time living in this one home, that sheltered me and three children so very well. When we moved there, Amanda was 5, Thomas 1 and Paul was less than two months old. I organized well when we moved from Midler Avenue to East Genesee. Things were well packed and labeled despite having three children to care for. My then husband had a wonderful job, it afforded us movers for a full day and that was a blessing in itself. Now it is Rick and I packing, as the closing date approaches ever nearer, my sense of motivation improves some, but it was a daunting task. My youngest child, Paul, moves out tomorrow to his first solo apartment. He has lived here with me all this time . I am happy for his independence, but sad to think of my nest truly empty. The empty part makes the home become just a house once again. Gone are the three residents that made life there so worthwhile. Tears are flowing as I put these words down , life is changing, as it always does.

Sorting through things brings memories, but also makes me wonder why I collected things I did. Perhaps I was trying to fool myself that someday I would once again have the large parties and family gatherings we had at the beginning of life here. The sheer size and comfort of that house lends well to events where family and friends gather. Once my children’s Father and I divorced, there was no time for parties, the finances were tight and my friend supply and time dwindled to a few faithful folks. I now realize my collections of dishes and tchotchkes were to fool myself life had not changed much at all. Hindsight being 20/20, I now see that was a futile attempt to rebuild what I thought I had lost forever. I think that is why it is so easily given to folks I know who will use the dishes happily and for gatherings they have now. Reality is they are only things and hold little charm nor value to me any longer.

Starting anew in a smaller and easier space is an adventure to look forward to. Rick and I will put our own twist on it and make it comfortable for us. I doubt there will be too many gatherings, but I do look forward to the few we do have. I love people, do not get me wrong, but large crowds and the like are discomforting to this anxiety riddled woman. Most do not realize I am truly an introvert with extrovert tendencies in my public persona. My busy life of working and raising three children as best I could to adulthood kept me too busy to hold on to or attract many friends. At times I was too needy in trying to forge a new relationship with a man, due to feeling I had failed so miserably. That propelled me into a second failed marriage as well as several so-so relationships with men I met. Thankfully I met Rick over ten years ago, we have had our share of trials in life, but they have served to strengthen the bond we share. In many ways we are polar opposites, but we complement each other well. Without his support through this moving out saga, I fear I might have lost my mind. Those that once would have stood by me in this are either gone from life, moved away, or we have grown apart from one another. My lovely daughter is a newly married wife, and a busy career RN with a great social life. My second born and first son lives in NYC, with his wonderful partner in life and they have a great lifestyle and careers that keep them busy. My third born and youngest son has begun a new career that keeps him busy and has secured his first apartment and will not be far away if needed. Life has been good for me, I was given the gift of three children that have grown to be wonderful young adults. When we are truly successful st parenting, our fledglings grow strong and leave the nest. It’s a daunting day in some ways, but satisfying to realize you have done a decent job after all is said and done. The bottom line of all this is that I stayed here in that house for both myself and my three children. I did not want my life or their’ any more difficult if possible. Without my fledglings as reason, my life would have been meaningless and empty. With a half smile/smirk I tell myself , “you done good Robin, very good...”