Giving Thanks

Some few days before Thanksgiving arrives and I am sitting alone in a dark and peaceful space thinking of the weeks to come. Life holds so many twists and turns, our handling of them ultimately decides much of our journey as well as the mindset we bring along with us. Bad things inevitably occur along our pathways in life. Despite the best of plans, some darkness must cross into our way to assist us in being able to recognize the true and dearest joys within our lives. I do not feel these negative events occur to punish us, but rather to enlighten us and help to refill our well of gratitude's as well as give us perspective on where we need to go and what we need to do to get to that endpoint.

As I sit here in the beautiful glow of a flickering wood stove, I am reminded that life's most wonderful pleasures and treasures are right within our grasp and cost us nothing but time and faith that things will go the way they should go for us. If all of us truly look at each of our days, we can find daily gratitude's to pay mind to and utter aloud. Often we miss so many things we have that enhance and make our lives wonderful every day.

Now it is Thanksgiving day, I have worked and had some sleep, and continue to ponder on thanks in my life. I am thankful not only for my job but for the mere ability to be able to work. So many are unemployed, out of work due to illness and I think many take the obvious for granted. I am thankful to have decent health, sufficient food, a wonderful home, friends to enjoy and family that I love nearby. Traditions have changed as I have grown older, but I realize this is just part of the rhythm of life itself. I am grateful to have had two parents who loved one another and raised five strong children into five adults. I am grateful to have had an older brother who I looked up to in a multitude of ways, though he has left this earthly plain, Gary will always be a part of me with many wonderful memories to make me smile often.  I am grateful for my own three adult children, each has made me have pride in them. I am thankful for other loved ones in my life that hold me up and give me strength, happiness and wisdom. I am grateful for all who support me emotionally and walk with me in my daily journey in life. I am also grateful for the intense positive attitude I have been blessed with and my ability to see everyday the best side of things possible, as well as the opportunity to learn from my errors and negative experiences along the way. For me, the glass has always been half full and I am grateful for that. I am confident that my life will continue to be filled with good and bad times that I can learn from and use to move forward .

I have no magical formula, only a belief that life is a wonderful gift that I am grateful for and appreciate more each passing day and year. May you all find the thanks and gratitude's in each of your own life's journeys.
~Balance in all things~

At Arm's Length

In this world it seems people all have different needs for their personal space as well as desire for physical proximity to others, not just with strangers but in their given and chosen relationships they have in their life. Research has shown most folks need several arms lengths between themselves and total strangers. Situations such as elevators and other space issued situations cause uneasiness and anxiety for many people. Call it your comfort zone, we all have them and I have observed they vary greatly from person to person, as well as from situation to situation. It is understandable in the stranger situation where ones tolerance level to proximity to an unknown person or group of people causes discomfort. What puzzles me is when individuals in relationships of a much more known and intimate level, distance and create barriers to avoid physical closeness with family, friends and even lovers. The very person you love needs and desires to be close to you, that is most of the time. In a fledgling relationship, often times the need for closeness can often border on overwhelming, but that is when individuals are gaining trust, respect and want to let the other person feel loved, wanted and needed. Once a level of comfort is gained, often times the need for physical closeness diminishes, but remains an important facet to the relationship.

Finding a match in reality that most closely mirrors ones own intimacy and physicality imprint is a daunting task at times.  Often we hope for the very best but end up accepting what we find in our partners in life and romance.  Sometimes this can be labeled "settling" and sometimes it is just a radical acceptance of someone whom fits our needs and interests most closely in every other way. It seems one can never truly get a perfect match in all areas of our lives, so we strive to get the best we can and make it work for us within the framework of what works for us in a given situation. We all have our own personal limits of what we want, versus what we can tolerate, and accept to be relatively happy and stable individuals.

Sometimes I think what happens with couples is that we grow too accustomed to one another, and one partner often ends up more on the giving end than the receiving end, often times at their own hands and acceptance of what the other person is willing to give or offer in terms of intimacy. In life nothing should ever be a 50/50 proposition, each person should come to the table prepared to give 100 percent of themselves, when there is a deficit, then the total will still most likely always exceed what the relationship requires to be mutually satisfying. It is key not to take anything or anyone for granted, they could be gone tomorrow for any given or unexpected reason, and leave one reeling in the pain of loss. Healthy, good and mutually satisfying relationships require work on the parts of all individuals involved. Being stingy with ones affection, time or assistance can eventually cause an erosion and/or meltdown of the entire situation, causing damage that may become permanent or irreparable Keeping a watch on the simmering pot of any relationship is the full responsibility of all involved individuals. As in most situations, communication is one of the key elements to keeping things simmering, and not boiling over, or drying out.

In summary, keeping your fingers on the pulse of one another can truly keep things percolating along and just strengthen and maintain what a good relationship is meant to be. One just needs to take the time to listen, look and think. Put yourself in the place of the other person on a regular basis is a good way to avoid results that will make for vexation and disappointment in your life.

~Balance in all things~. 

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Tangled Webs of Deceit

Perhaps Sir Walter Scott said it the best, " Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive."  I wonder what makes people resort to the practice in the first place, it would seem that they had motives that drove them to wander from what the truth is and hide behind lies and perhaps a few half-truths. The motives may have been to spare people from getting or being hurt. I think much of the time they resort to deceit for their own purposeful gain, and to perhaps have the best of both worlds, or even escape from the reality of their life that they may find to be less than what the desire or feel they need to have to feel as though they are fulfilled and happy adults . The problem lies in when the person having the truth kept from them finds out what the truth is. Often times one wants to deny that they have been on the receiving end of deceit and deception. I know I have felt that way. When a partner in your life is seeing another, when they are supposedly betrothed to you, it hurts in a way one never forgets. It makes one mistrust and having to learn all over again how and when to trust others, and believe they are worthy of someone being honest with them and valuing how they feel. For this woman, the same holds true in important people in their life withholding  important facets of information from them, or distortion of the facts to avoid having confrontation or questioning. In a truly open relationship, of course we cannot know every bit about one another, but we hope that honesty and trust can lead each other to have value and respect for one another. For me I have learned to forgive, but forgetting is the impossible part for me to ever learn to do. It diminishes over time, but forever it remains, much like a carved message on a tree that continues to grow and change, but the mark left on it remains, becoming a part of the tree forever. Information withheld, becomes secretive, although it may be far from what the fact of the matter is. Making something clandestine serves to make it seem forbidden, perhaps exciting if not more important than it truly is or ever was meant to be. Sure some things are not meant for everyone or even anyone to share, but repeated acts of secrecy and hidden relations end up making things look as though they are something to hide and be ashamed of. If a relationship is important enough and wholesome, nothing needs to be hidden or covert. If it is a friend you need to stay in touch with from the past, then stay in touch but openly without hiding it from others who may interpret it as something else all together different than what it appears to be to them. You see my dear and wise readers, when one makes something a forbidden fruit, it creates doubts where there previously were none or few. It makes something that may be harmless , into something harmful.  People need to be honest with one another, if it is of value make each other understand what your needs are and work together to create the relationship that you need to be in place to get your mutual needs met, both physically and emotionally. Physical needs without the balance of emotional needs in tandem make for a scale that is tipped to one side that will truly never fulfill your life the way you truly want and need it to be.
~balance in all things~

Words and Actions

People talk all the time about doing things, sometimes they are speaking of trivial items, such as chores they need to accomplish in their household, or errands they need to run. Other times they are speaking of life and all the intricacies involved therein, about the things they need to do for life to be good, for it to improve, for it to be more serene and calmer. In both cases actions have to take place for things to occur, if one just speaks the words and does not apply action to the intent, nothing will take place and things will remain static, unchanged. In short, words need to match actions and vice verse.All the talk in the world will not make it so, and all the actions untied to any framework or reference will not fall into place and achieve the desired effect and affect.

One of my co-workers talks all the time about a relationship of theirs, how it is going nowhere, how they need to break free from it and change their lives. After less than one day of  their divestment of the relationship, they are right back into the thick of it, and wondering why things are the same. I asked them why they continue to repeat the same actions again and again, but expect different results. I posed to them that perhaps they need to re-define this relationship, not toss it out but work systematically to change where it is going. The answer I get is that their partner does nothing to change so why should they? They also state they really have not and do not discuss their dissatisfaction with the current direction of things with them, I point out that without open and direct communication, one can not expect the other person to have knowledge of what is going on, what is desired, and what the other expects, wants and needs.If you keep taking dough, sauce and cheese, you will always get pizza of one variety or another, and maybe pizza is not what they are looking for. A basic understanding of the importance of true communication is what is missing from this persons equation, they just keep running headlong into the same brick wall that they continue to reinforce with the same mortar and brickwork.

Words are truly meaningless unless the actions that go along with them accompany the thoughts and intents carried within the words. I can liken it to a politicians promise at election time, fervent words spoken repeatedly to gain followers and support, but then the words are rarely carried to fruition. The same holds true in everyday situations.You can promise all you want in terms of things you will do, ways you feel about or for someone, but if you do not follow the words with deeds that show and reinforce the feelings, things that accomplish the promised task, you build a wall of disappointment, and of broken promises and expectations never delivered upon.

I was taught at the knee to not promise things you cannot deliver, and for the most part have striven to do this whenever possible.When I cannot deliver, I re-define what I have promised and try to approach it from another angle. What it boils down to is just doing what is needed to make things happen, and when a hurdle gets in the way, figure out how to step over, around or under it. In a partnership, BOTH need to be active listeners and do-ers. Sitting on the sidelines watching does not work very well, nor does standing on a podium and making promises one never acts upon. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When things get stalled, get in a huddle and figure out what needs to happen for the plan to come to being.Nothing should truly ever be fifty-fifty, with each putting half in. Rather it should be one-hundred/one-hundred, both giving it their all . Then the whole will always exceed the sum parts and present as more than one expects. Getting more than one planned for in a positive action plan is never a bad thing.
 ~balance in all things~

Realistically Cynical

Many times I have been subject to being told I wear rose- colored glasses. My thought is that some perceive my largely positive outlook to be more of an uninformed Pollyana- type mentality .  Often when people talk to me and get to know me better they then realize I am not ignorant, poorly educated or insufficient in gray matter. I am simply put, a glass half full kind of gal. I almost always look to find the positive in things, be it a person's best attribute, a lesson learned from a bad experience, how it could have been worse, I just gravitate towards positive. I know many who come into contact me do not feel this to be a realistic way to experience life. However, I flat out disagree and know that for most of my adult life this is what keeps me sane, grounded and mostly satisfied with life and the way things are. This is my realism, my way of coping and what works for ME. I know this does not work for everyone, we all need to adapt our responses and attitudes to what works for us in our lives. It is my mantra to live and let live. much of the time. If I see someone struggling with their life, I often try to empathize with them and help them analyze what THEY might need to do. What works for me may not work for them, and vice verse of course. That being said, there are situations and individuals I avoid mostly because I know that we will never be able to agree, and interactions with them are akin to petting a cat in the wrong direction. This is a cynical as I get.

Avoiding intolerant individuals and situations is something I like to do whenever and wherever possible. Certainly there are times and places we just have to buck up and enter such situations or deal with abrasive people when we have no choice. Working in the customer service industry these days, I certainly find myself on the receiving end of abrasive people from time to time, but I pride myself on most always being able to turn that same situation around, ending my call with them feeling better and me knowing I have been able to solve a situation or get them the assistance or what-have-you they require at this moment in time. In customer service land and in real life, there are some individuals you will never be able to satisfy no matter what hurdles you jump over trying. No matter what you try to do, they are still disgruntled and just cannot let go of their hostility, negativity and cynicism. In such matters, I still do my very best, whether in real life or through the phone line. I can release myself from responsibility knowing I have done my utmost to assist, but know that there is no winning with these individuals. I let it go, mentally cleanse the situation from my mind, and let it go. The key for me is in not personalizing the situation. That, my friends is self-preservation at is most basic in my minds' eye. Negative feelings and issues need to be mowed down and raked aside, much like an overgrown lawn. Hanging on to this kind of situation only fuels more anger and keeps us from moving forward to more important and valuable situations within our lives.After all, things worth hanging onto are prizes, and I wonder why anyone would want to hang on to anything that makes them feel angry, cynical and is just despicable in most senses of the word. My only guess is that some do not love themselves enough to take care of themselves by dispelling such thoughts and situations. I do not forget what transpired, I take the lesson, file it carefully and know things more important will occupy my time from thereon in.

Summing it up, we all need to do what works for each of us individually. My method is to avoid stepping on toes, my own included, at all costs. I like to act from the positive end of the spectrum, it is closest to the ideal I hope to reach in most situations. We all need to adapt what works for us, though if you keep reacting and acting in the same type of way and are not getting where you want to, then perhaps you need to look at your stance and figure out what could work better and what you can do to precipitate change for yourself.

~balance in all things~

Privileged and Rare

Recently I stopped working with someone I have endeavored to assist for over 15 years, the parting of the ways was not a mutual thing initially, but I have a feeling that it was desired on their part as well. This person is intelligent, though narrow-minded. This person has wisdom, but lacks common sense. This person is many things, but mostly a difficult person overall. You may ask, why would you continue to assist someone that is so difficult to be with, to work with, to listen to, and all that? I like a challenge, I also like to ascertain whether or not a person is genuine and has been left behind due to a lack of compassion on the part of others, or misunderstanding. In this case, the person has been given compassion when none has been due to them, has been misunderstood, but for the most part understood clearly and causes people to flee, rapidly, in the opposite direction as quickly as is possible.

I worked with people as part of my old job, I assisted individuals with mental health diagnosis to connect with services within the community, to attain and/or retain their entitlements, advocate for them in difficult situations, speak for them when they lacked voice, and just be an all around person they could call on for outside opinion and information.Most of the folks I worked with I learned from as much as they learned from me. As humans we can learn much from one another, if we only put our mindset on to look for lessons in every day experiences and find the lesson. As I have stated before, there are lessons even in our misfortunes, though difficult to find them much of the time, the lesson is overtly contained within the situation. It was in my old profession, that I met and worked with this person. I was assigned to work with them some fifteen years ago, my supervisor said, this person is difficult to work with and for, they warned me of that at the get go. I got my sparkle on, in other words,this person was a challenge presented to me and I could do what others failed to and in a respectful manner. I admit completely that I was always respectful when dealing with this person, as well as every other person I ever assisted in life. I never promised to do something I could not do, and I always helped them see the choices there for them, never choosing what path or choice to pick.  Each person is an individual, one must assist each person where they are, sure use some of the same approaches, but never cookie cutter the situation, to me that is disrespect at a very base level.

Three years ago this week, I left my old profession. A few months prior to that this person and I discontinued our work relationship. I was urged by a supervisor to cease working with individuals that were not making measurable progress towards their life goals, as well as had become stagnant in their want and reason for working with me in the first place. This person was one of many I ceased a work relationship with, but many I have remained in contact with even to this day. Two years after changing jobs I received an email from this person of "note". They wanted and needed my assistance, they were willing to pay me from a trust fund they had received. I accepted the offer, it was mostly due to knowing this person was in need, and very little from the amount of money I would receive in return for any assistance I could and did provide. We worked on maintaining entitlements, organized important documents, discussed situations and people they had difficulty with. I had limitations in this relationship, those were presented up front. I had allegiance to my current job, which is nothing like my former one. As part of that I also had time limitations, especially due to the fact my current job involved and still does, working the third shift. For close to one year, this worked okay, but the person still had a consuming hatred of many factions in the world and clung to this hatred and mindset like well-set concrete. Several times I almost gave notice, they expected much more than I could or would give, and they also were not respectful of me and my time allowance. The very thing this person accused others of they themselves were and are guilty of. Finally I could tolerate no more, I gave my notice in early June, despite the fact that I had over 12 hours of unbilled services I had provided. It was no longer worth my time, nor my effort, and it was far smarter to just let go and sever all ties. I sent any important papers in my possession back to them, along with a simple note of resignation. I made not one reference to any of the negative occurrences we had, I just let go. Immediately upon this discontinuation I felt both relief and an incredible lightness in my soul. It is one difficult task to work with a person that has such a disjointed perception of themselves. It would have been easy to tell them how distorted their self-perception is, but they would not have listened nor have heard it, so I bothered not to launch into any explanation on this at all.

This person continues to blog, and I continue to read them. What this does for me is assist me in continuing to know that I made the right choice in my no longer interfacing with them in any and all circles, the severing was complete and quick. This person continues with their privileged behavior, blaming society and most of the world for why things are the way they are for them. This person continues with their hatred of some professionals they have contact with.This person in their sixty some years on this planet has still not learned about true respect for others. They act like some rare being, ostracized for all the wrong reasons and the champion of many causes. Frequently they get what they want for one reason and one reason only, people are tired of listening to their nasty banter and give in and give up rather than continuing to attempt reasoning with someone of skewed logic. I have learned many lessons from dealing with this individual, but mostly I learned that one needs to not continue to be a pawn for someone that disrespects me as well as countless others.

~balance in all things~

The Other Woman

The mere title grabs ones attention, many immediately think that this will be some sort of tell all down and dirty expunge of  a situation in my life, sorry to disappoint you but this is not the case. It is rather a sort of amalgamation of different situations, scenarios and past experiences all rolled into one package here in blog land.

The first other woman we encounter in our lives as adult females is often the mother of someone we are dating, in love or lust with, someone we are married to, divorced from, ad infinitum. We try to understand this other woman, often times it is easy, other times not easy at all.  We can also see into the future when we see the interaction between the male and this female that has served an important role in the life of the man we are involved with. If he treats her well, we can think perhaps this is how he will value us in days to come. If her treats her skeptically and with little care we then wonder, is this how he will treat all women, or did he have a rough experience growing up? So many different situations come into play and we are left to attempt to figure out the true situation by sifting through all the evidence, so to speak. Not an easy task by any means whatsoever, and we need to be a educated armchair psychologist at the very least to undertake such a task. If the situation gets colored by that cloudy element of love, then we tend to discount many things that perhaps later we will wish we had paid better attention and time to. Love being the fickle entity that it is, we often put many things aside for the heart though the mind should work harder to remain in the forefront.

Fast forward several years, the next other woman can be our own daughters, we have a unique relationship with them as they have with their fathers. At times it is a push me pull me kind of roller coaster ride, but most often the ultimate outcome is one of pride and a new found ability to better understand another female, especially one we have had a direct hand in raising from child to young adult. This also sets the tone for her relationships with other women, and hopefully you have instilled good values for the treatment of others in this being you have born.

Some of us get to another fork in the road, we divorce, or end relationships we have crafted as carefully as we know how and have the ability to. We try to end things gracefully, sometimes it just does not work out that way no matter how hard we try. Time passes on and we forgive, as we have been taught and learn is best for us to do for our own sakes as well as the sake of others. We take the lesson from the relationship that we hopefully have learned and try to utilize it in future relationships so that it can benefit ourselves and others in some small way.Seems some of us are unable to take the lesson and we end up mired in hatred and loathing, wasted time on wasted emotions. We then end up being the other woman in our own life.

Another place we find ourselves at is discovering the other woman is not a past thing, but very much a present place in the life of a person of interest in our life. They vehemently deny they even think about them, but the mere fact they talk hatefully of them, give credence to whatever place they had in past life situations, and in secret, they are still communicating with them via email, text or phone. When this discovery is made, one feels such a mixture of emotions, anger, shock, disgust, a myriad that just tumbles our minds to places we do not like them to travel to at all.We know that when the past is not in  the past, there are definite issues still hanging on the clothesline. Sometimes we just need to take the laundry down, and wash it all again.Or perhaps we need to do some mending and fix things. Other times we need to get a totally new wardrobe. What path one takes depends entirely on each individual, and their tolerance to abiding things as they are, working to change them, or just wanting a totally new situation all together.
 ~balance in all things~  

Camp Calibration

cal·i·bra·tion  (kl-brshn)

n.

1. The act or process of calibrating or the state of being calibrated.

2. A set of gradations that show positions or values. Often used in the plural: the calibrations on a pressure gauge.

This is as defined by the Free Dictionary, http://www.thefreedictionary.com.

Today I am thinking about calibration, for me personally, more of a sense of re-calibrations, setting things back to the values and positions they previously were set at. I have been off on a medical leave for ten days as of Saturday and my routine and regime have been disrupted, but for good purpose and value. I have slowly over the past two days begun to put things back in their place for several reasons. When I return to work, I need the reassurance that my routine brings me as a person. I feel a comfort level in doing things in certain routines and manners, and stress is more evident when one returns to work, and their energy levels become depleted more easily in such situations.Setting myself up for success, is much better for me than the flying by the seat of the pants process utilized by some folks. 

What I realize is that what works for me does not necessarily work for the next person. I thrive on schedules, lists and such items. This can be stifling and non-productive for many people. I think we all have to find our personal comfort zone and strive to stay within that MOST of the time. My comfort level is not yours, and vice verse. Sometimes we can observe others actions and figure out changes we can make within our own lives to use their method of making life work for them. At 56 years of age, I have found what works for me, in most circumstances. There are times when I need to break free from routine, and just let everything go so I can be totally unencumbered. Those times I am glad I am able to release myself from the "chains" of my  routine. Life is seldom scripted, so once again, for me keeping a semblance of order helps me dramatically in those times that things go haywire or unexpected good and bad things occur.

Simple in theory, but complex in some ways to carry out. It requires a firm ability to follow some kind of order or routine, and that requires discipline and organization. To many all of this may sound dull and boring, but when my free time comes to the top of the list, it truly is that. My mind is not wandering off on the should have and should be's in life, but I am free-wheeling and footloose to enjoy life in the manner in which I enjoy it to be lived. That is the key element, finding what is good for you, and striving to achieve that in the best manner that works for you and your life.How each of us find our joy is not the important thing, but finding it is what counts!

~balance in all things~ 

Attitude and Gratitude

Seems so many folks forget how closely related the above two words truly can be and are. When our feelings of gratitude are high, our attitudes are around the same level. There are times in life where we need to work hard to keep both of those items in check and that can be a very difficult thing for certain, almost a daunting task at times.

For example, when all is going well our satisfaction level is high, giving us much gratitude and one heck of a great demeanor, or attitude. When we find ourselves on the bottom of the heap dejected and down, we are sorely lacking in thanks or gratitude and often have a thankless attitude to match. At times like the latter, I seek out what the message the universe is trying to give me. What lesson or warning is contained within this situation? Do I need to slow down and pay mind to everyday items better? Have I taken a shortcut I never should have thought of in the first place?  If I really look and listen to all the facts that lesson will come rising to the surface in no time at all. Problem is so many of us get caught in the downward spiral that negativity, or the anti-gratitude can propel us headlong into. Once we let that wave of negativity and hostility catch us we surely have a job climbing from the depths that propels us down to. The bad attitude proliferates down there in those dark and negative places, holding us there like some super-charged electron magnet does to metal.

How do we break free from the shoes when we get super glued to the farthest depth of anger, despair, regret and sadness? The answer is simple yet not easy to do, the easy button does not function in this situation, though belief that it could may well help us. We need to leave those super glued shoes on the bottom, allowing ourselves to float back to the surface where the air us fresh, the stale and moody thoughts decline and we can feel better about things, slowly and purposefully. In essence we need to shed the stuck shoes and put new ones on that help us walk a path to self healing as well as self awareness. All this involves change, and as easy as change sounds, it is a difficult step to take as well as frightening to ponder for any length of time. Often the best way to attack change is head on jumping into it with abandon. If you find yourself unable to do that, then dipping ones bare toes in a little at a time may be the way to work towards that all important change. One has to find the solution that works best for them and utilize it. Stop looking for and finding excuses, just take some kind of action be it radical or minimal, to start you in the direction you need to be heading.

Working diligently, any of us can have the gratitude and the attitude that gets us to the place we need to get to. Sure it takes work, but anything in life is borne of blood, sweat and many tears. Figure out your path, and get on it.

~balance in all things~

Causticly Yours

In life there are many individuals who see themselves as the single most important human being in the world. They think not of others ideology, others feelings, others rights to free speech, others feelings, in short, they really and truly do not think of anyone but themselves. The saddest part of this, is that they fail to see how incredibly short-sighted and single minded they in fact are.The feel all their sentiments are so important that we all need to listen and follow THEIR lead, after all, they are the leading source on every and any subject that is important in this world. Another sad aspect is that they often bemoan the fact that they have no one in their life to share it,when in fact it is their repeated selfish acts, statements and philosophies that have put them there. They detest being labeled, but it is okay if they label a person from one statement that person makes in an unthinking moment or a moment of weakness or of frustration.In fact, they even speak of bigotry, but then they declare hatred upon many individuals and situations. In my book, hatred IS a type of bigotry.

Vitriolic woman, as we shall call her, is just one of the aforementioned type of individuals. She pronounces wisdom, so she sees it, in her writings, feels her acts are of a Christian nature and that she has much wisdom and is seasoned so she knows all about most subjects or topics of conversation. Unfortunately, the opposite is quite true. She spews forth hatred for many, yet states how we need to be kind to on another. This woman is an enigma as well as someone to be avoided at all costs. In times of weakness, she bemoans her fate of being alone, without family and without someone to care for and about her. If she looked really closely, and could admit the truth, her situation in life is truly of her own fashioning. She will say society has done this to her by not taking care of their elderly, their "sage" advisers. Truth be know, she is not truly elderly, she is self-serving as well as self-important to the Nth degree.Saddest part of all, Vitriolic woman has no ability to have self-awareness, nor to admit her part in the life she now leads.

My lesson learned from dealing with this person, and others like her, is that no matter how much you give someone of this nature, it is never enough. They cannot see themselves when they glance in the mirror, they see someone who has been a victim of society, someone who does not deserve the place they have gotten to in life.In fact, it seems the more you try to understand them, the more powerful and caustic they become. Narcissistic and blind to the true needs of others, they have served themselves a large serving of loneliness and despair, if they are brave enough to admit it. I have learned now to have pity for this kind of person, and to listen for a bit, but much beyond this and one can become their next victim of games and hatred.

I feel grateful to have good self-awareness and decent self esteem without being self obsessed or ignorant of others needs and feelings. I am far from perfect, something Vitriolic woman and others like them should admit, but then again, that would be asking far too much.

~balance in everything~

Levels of Disappointment

One of the most compelling feelings for this woman to deal with are ones of disappointment. That being said, it also depends on the level of disappointment. The dollar scratch-off lottery ticket purchased and no prize revealed is a minor type of disappointment that does not come into mind when I am thinking of disappointment. Perhaps one important thing for each of us to do is to learn to assign levels of disappointment, that way we can toss away items that truly do not deserve our time or our attention. Sometimes when we are amidst in a sea of dis-regulation, we make something small and trivial into something huge and looming. So part of assigning a disappointment level certainly involves being in a state of mind to perform the task in a level-headed manner.

I would assign four levels for disappointment events in my own life. Level one would be small events that I just need to mourn very slightly then toss away once I have gleaned the lesson from the experience. Level two would be experiences that upset me, but not to a level that anyone else noticed other than myself. Level three would be situations where others that knew me well noticed my disappointment and might ask of me what is wrong. Level four would be all out disappointment, the kind that everyone and anyone would be aware of my angst and despair. I am grateful that level four disappointments for this woman have not been as common as the ones and twos, too many level fours might mean some kind of emotional meltdown with far reaching effects on the psyche. I think assignment of levels is a purely personal one, what defines levels for me might clearly be very different for anyone else, it is all about individual situations, tolerance level, where your life stands at this moment and other factors.

Once we have assigned the disappointment level within our own mind, then we can more clearly see what kind of actions we may need to take, and may even be able to process the incident right there and then and be rid of it. well mostly. As a female of the human species, I am well aware of the female trait of need for repeated processing of much of life events. Seems our sex needs to digest and re-digest happenstances to make sense of it and place it in a frame of reference. Ridding ourselves of disappointments on our lowest levels frees us to move forward while taking the information, and possibly lesson, from the occurrence and get on with the business of living. Defining the issue helps us to see what happened more clearly, process the information, and figure out if there are any next steps to take.Sometimes our action may involve others, and presenting the situation to them to get an outside opinion of whether or not we need to kick the item to the curb, or take more aggressive action on it.

Crazy as it may sound, we may need to write notes to assist us in assessing the level and also create a point of reference that we can later go back to and with a clearer mind see if we were in a bad spot at the time, in a state of hormonal influence, or truly in need of further process and attention to the event or situation. Sometimes having the control to do all this may be very difficult, but for our own sanity and grace, it is of the utmost importance to gather the strength from within ourselves to maintain equilibrium, mostly for ourselves and sometimes for others we love and cherish. Putting it down in some sort of written fashion helps us process it, remember it accurately and immediately channel our situation into a more controlled environment that we will not regret at later points in time. In a few words, avoid the drama, at all costs.

So, the first step in handling disappointments is level assignment. The next steps will come more logically and freely once one has assessed things and decided yea or nay on further credence to something that may not matter the next day, or for that matter the next hour or minute. 

~balance in all things~

Hope

Recently someone special and important to many people passed away. This angel's name is Sharon, and her brief stay of fifty-eight years on this planet made an impact that will continue on long after her demise from cancer.Sharon was a champion of hope. She lived it, spoke of it, educated on it, gave hope to countless others when their own wells had run dry of the commodity. She did all this in a direct and forthright manner much of the time, though sometimes it was more subtle. Her leaving this Earthly plain shall give many cause to mourn her, but I know she would want those she knew, those she touched to perpetuate her legacy of hope.

Hope can begin as tiny as a tiny grain of sand, nearly invisible to the naked eye. It can be as small as the tiny mustard seed, but grow to gargantuan proportions if nurtured and imbued to others on a regular basis.Hope lives within us all, sometimes it can be a most difficult item to discover within oneself, at times of great trial, as difficult as finding the needle in the proverbial haystack. Sometimes when we are devoid of hope, someone comes along with a word, a touch, an idea, or just a knowing glance, and hope comes rising to the surface, appearing in a sea of confusion, waiting to buoy us up from the depths of despair and pain we may be experiencing. For hope to flourish and remain, one needs to renew their own well of hope on a regular basis, doing one's level best to not drain away the entire supply you possess at any given point in time, though I must say, hope is meant to be shared and one should never be stingy with it. In the act of providing someone with a bit of hope, you add to your own supply, giving you fuel to remain within your cause, your purpose, your path and journey in life.

Simply put, increasing the supply of hope is something we all can and should do. The small words of encouragement we can give to someone we barely know is one way to perpetuate hope. Just your presence can lift someones spirit, helping them to realize that someone cares and that they matter in this large cosmos when they feel defeated and are looking for a reason to keep on keeping on. Hope can be as simple as cheering on someone at the sidelines, whether that be literal or figurative, it matters not one way or the other. Hope may truly be an intangible substance, but it is one that is powerful and contagious. When one comes into contact with someone overflowing with hope, most of us cannot help but be encouraged by their personal energy and their contagious energy and words.

In honor of my friend Sharon, share some of your hope with someone today. It is a gift that is simple to give, more valuable than anything money can buy, and gives the recipient as much as it provides the giver.


~balance in everything~


 

Remnants of the Past

One of the most interesting things to and for me is the observation as well as interaction with people. Finding out what things they like, hobbies that spark their psyche, things that perplex them, just getting to know people. People never let me down, they always are interesting in one way or another and they help me to see myself better in relationship to some of their interests, hobbies and facets of information. Recently I have really begun to notice people and their relationships with their past and people they knew. By this I mean events they experienced, be it family situations, intimate relationships they had, work experiences and issues, really any part of their past that they hang on to an ruminate over. Truth is, I reach back and scan over some of my past. I feel fortunate that most of the things I have grasped onto are positive, and even now looking back, I can see the negative ones in a different light. I see how these experiences made an impact on me, and affect me even to this day. Most have strengthened me, but then some are my Achilles heel for certain.

It makes me ponder why some people fiercely hold onto and re-live some of the most negative and sometimes damaging parts of their past. Then I think,they never were able to transcend it, they stayed stuck in and on that thing that irritates, vexes, weakens, or somehow makes them unhappy. Instead of moving on from it, taking the lesson and going forward, they dig their heels in and wallow in the event, making themselves miserable from the moment they begin to reflect on it. We talk over why they are doing this, because, essentially they are causing themselves more pain from something they would rather, or so they say, leave in the past. Part of me realizes their was some facet of this situation or person they say they need to eradicate from their cerebrum, but truth is, they want to go back and recapture the time and think of how the ending could be different. They may even wish they could re-ignite the very thing they say causes them pain and anxiety, but for some reason, they say it is best forgotten.

I know someone who verbally maligns a person from their past on a regular basis, at least to me they speak maliciously of this person. Part of that is to feign their disinterest in the person, truth is, they still feel a link to this person, they want to feel the warm fuzzies they once experienced when in the company of said person. Perhaps it is when they felt most loved, most satisfied in every way and they long to feel that way again now.I guess if clinging to remnants can make someone feel personally satisfied and happy, then this must be the reason they do it. Biggest problem I see is that these remnants become a wedge between that person and those they are currently involved with. Of course, the past relationship was unique, and logically it can never be replaced by someone or something else, but the remnant is like a silent person, always there, watching, waiting and becoming a divide between the people in their lives currently.They seem to be failing to see the value and good in what they already have, somehow this is just not enough or what they want.

My advice to those that do this is to either come all the way forward, or go back to what you had, if that is an option. You are stagnating yourself as well as others with your desperate need to find your way back to that happy place. Truth is, you need to make a new happy place if the old one cannot be reissued, and sure, it will not be like the other one, it may even be better!


~balance in all things~

Emotional Rashes

Rashes?? Emotional rashes? Perhaps if you think of it as somewhat the equivalent of a mosquito bite on your foot, you know them well. You sit outside on a lovely summer evening, the little flying blood sucking buzzards attack you as though you are the best prime rib meal they have ever dined upon. It doesn't seem like the minuscule bug bite will bother you, but in the night somehow you itch and scratch it till it is inflamed and sore as can be. Emotional rashes are in the same league, big difference is they leave no visible marks one can see, but the effect is similar, and in some cases causes much more pain in a different manner all together.

It's that last nerve you have left, and you kindly warn people that you ultra sensitive , but they either do not hear you or just plain are not listening. They say or do something that pokes at you just enough to push you over that edge, and there you have it, an emotional rash. You are bugged, vexed, irritated, but just as much you are over-reacting to something that should not have been an issue at all. In retrospect you can see this, like they say hindsight is twenty twenty, and by gosh, it sure is just that. You feel like an idiot after the whole transaction is over and done, but you cannot take it away. In some cases you may dwell on it even more, even sometimes putting it to rest only to bring it out later in full force. The second or third time you think about it, you know you should have just let it go and put it to rest once and for all. The wise mind , if you access it, will assist you in decimating the "rash" and away it goes, stuffed deep away to be forever, well almost, dispelled from ones forefront of the mind.

The positive thinker in me is thankful I do not get many emotional rashes, but being human I cannot help but suffer from the occasional outbreak of such a beast. I take the lesson contained within and about the rash and use it to avoid a like situation in the future. Most times I am successful the first time around, though at times I do have it crop back up and need stronger action to cease its existence. I do notice, however, that many individuals have emotional rashes on a daily basis, and sometimes continually dip into the well and re-experience the situation over and over again. They seem so emotionally dis-regulated by the whole event and situation, yet they cling to it and treat the issue like some sort of prize to be displayed and enjoyed over and over. The same way I work to dispel the "rash", they nurture and even work to grow the "rash" to Herculean proportions. I also take the lesson I learn from watching someone become so obsessed with an experience that should not have had much importance or credence in their lives at all.

In conclusion, I am pleased that I can take my own personal situation, as well as others, and gain valuable insight to myself and also of others and what makes us tick and function as humans in an increasingly complex world.


~balance in all things~

Melancholy Rollercoaster

Without warning or real reason, the icy fingers of the monster than melancholy is, can grab your soul and twist it down into it's vortex. Many times people may associate it and call it Blue Monday. I guess perhaps statistically speaking, Monday may tend to be the day of the week most of "THE BLUES" occurs most frequently on. Of course this is pure conjecture on my part, I am most likely not going to do the research to back up my statement, after all, this is a blog purely for me to ramble and contain some of the multiple thought patterns and ideas I generate on a daily basis. But, I need to get back to the subject at hand, melancholy.

Yesterday, a Monday, the blues monster took me by the throat and spiraled me down, it ambushed me without any warning at all. I did succumb to its spell for nearly an hour, feeling as low and useless as I have felt in a very long time. This positive thinking and acting woman is thankful the moody blues rarely grab her this hard and this fast, for that I can thank in part genetics and my upbringing, as well as self-taught methods that keep me where I need to be mentally most of the time.I felt like I was on an amusement park ride, and that it was frightening and I wanted off, but no one could hear me yelling to stop the ride.Prior to the drop of the roller coaster, I was in a good place, feeling safe, secure and self-satisfied. Then, ka-pow, it hit like a jackhammer.

Thinking back on the moment I felt the undertow pull me down, I was starting to think too far ahead into my future. Thinking about the time when my young adult sons would move out, leaving me for the complete pursuit of the adult life I have raised them to experience. I thought about how empty the house would be, not only in the physical sense, but in the emotional and surreal sense as well. I thought about how my young adult daughter moved out over eight years ago, and how that impacted me, even to this day. I thought about how my first husband departed here, to begin a new life without me, and shut yet another chapter in my life and begin another one in earnest. I thought about the broken relationships I have had since then, a second marriage that was ill-fated from day one, as well as a few before that one. I do remember the relief I felt when my second husband moved out, and it was as though a weight had been lifted from me. I wondered why and how I would stay here, and when would I see the three reasons my life has had purpose over the past twenty-four plus years I have resided within the walls of this old home.

Overwhelmed was the end place I brought myself to with all these thoughts, a sort of personal system overload in the terminal of my brain. My wise mind took over thankfully, told me I could not begin to sort all this out in advance, I would need to attack it and solve it as it transpires. Worry and preponderance are just negative aspects that creep into our lives, and when the negative is allowed to free a reign in my world, some diabolical thing occurs and I go into melancholy mode, feeling desperate, depressed and useless . For several minutes I berated myself for failed relationships,as well as the relationships I have with my three adult children, my brothers and sister as well past and present friends. The wise mind told me that I have not failed in every relationship I have forged, and even in the failed ones, components that are good and useful came to pass. In essence, I learned from mistakes, and could also find the good memories in those relationships as well. In the end, for me, relationships have helped define the person I have developed to become at this point in my life. In the end, the amusement park ride slowed down, and became once again the safe carousel ride I loved so much as a child, and continue to enjoy even to this day.

End result? I can go on the scary rides from time to time, but not too many in one amusement park visit. The carousel is always a safe choice, it is that roller coaster that can scare the willies out of me. You see this is all symbolic, but wise reader, you have no doubt figured that out about me anyways. A few thoughts about what will come to pass are okay, but flooding myself with multiple and continued musings about what could be should be and would be, are just too dangerous for me to confront all in one fell swoop.



~balance in all things~

Forgiveness and Self-forgiveness

From repeated observation, it seems folks have a hard time forgiving others. Even more remarkable to me, is that they have an even more difficult time forgiving themselves. People love to bury themselves in up to their eyeballs in  self reproach and condemnation. I can identify with such acts, as I have participated in such things many times in my life. In order to get past the issue and the feelings of worthlessness at our own hands, we need to learn how to forgive ourselves as rapidly as we possibly can. Many people just continue to be masochistic and berate themselves over and over again, missing one of the most important facets of mistakes and wrong doings completely.

So, you say, what is that most important facet of mistakes and of wrong doings? Simple indeed, the lesson contained within the mistake is so much more important to grasp onto and not let go of than the reproach and berating language some folk are compelled to bow down to. Recognizing the lesson within helps us to forgive ourselves, as we are human and fallible, we are built that way in case you were not aware of this fact. To be able to truly learn anything successfully, we need to have errors, for the error embeds a sort of marker one can refer to in future situations that are of a similar nature. Sometimes  the whole process is so simple we tend to miss the lesson all together, and we continue to beat ourselves up.

Of course, we need to seek forgiveness from others when we have wronged them. Most of us were taught that basic lesson when we were much younger, though some doggedly refuse to ever forgive anyone, themselves included, any kind of forgiveness whatsoever. Therein lies the key to the whole forgiveness realm, so to speak. When we can sufficiently and properly forgive others, we can then forgive ourselves. It is equally important to do both for us to learn, grow and commiserate with others in a meaningful way. From my own personal experience, when I have forgiven another person for a transgression against me, it has been a very freeing thing. Equally so when I have forgiven myself something I have done to another or myself, it feels equally good, mending the psyche in seen and unseen ways Think about it, try it, the soul you save may just be your own, setting off a chain that is more healing than you can begin to realize.

Attitude Adjustments

Lately I read friends status updates on Facebook and often shake my head at what people post. Often times, individuals post dramatic statements, looking for others to feel their pain or just to vent how they are feeling at that specific point in time. Other times people post things that are meant to educate in one manner or another, as simple as sharing a recipe, more complex such as sharing political opinions and information to enlighten the public.Yet other times people just need to  kvetch and let their irritation of the moment be in the spotlight for us all to share and perhaps even make a note of a similar experience and bond with them in the electronic forum that social networking has become. The disturbing trend to me is that more often than not, it is negative things that find their way to these status updates, much like the newspapers and other information media, people seem to gravitate towards human suffering, sensationalism and the like. Perhaps much of this is due to a generally negative trend in general in how humans are feeling in the world, joblessness is at an all time high, weather patterns are wreaking havoc throughout the world , politicians continue to do idiotic and offending things, the crime rate continues to proliferate, and on and on, ad infinitum.

Accuse me of being one of "those people" who see the world through rose-colored glasses, or one of those "glass half -full " people. I prefer to call myself an agent of "positivity", working silently and diligently to create more of a positive energy force in the world, one small act at a time.I know that despite a flurry of negative events occurring in my own life, I continue to think in an upbeat and forward moving manner. Sure, life is no picnic, but one can work towards improvement at any given time and in any manner, the key is continuing to believe one can effect change not only on their own small corner of the world, but gradually the positive "infection" will spread more into mainstream and buoy many souls in the process.

Attitude adjustments begin with ourselves, first and foremost. When we work towards maintaining as positive a lifestyle and demeanor in ourselves, it cannot help but spread it along to those in connection with us, even in small ways such as through the written word on blog spaces, status updates, comments on friends statuses or blogs, and support and helping others in even the smallest of ways. Simplistic as it seems, adaptation of this method for me personally has helped me get through some of the most difficult, sad and angry points I have experienced in life. I wish we all could learn to count our blessings, instead of wallowing in our sadness, hanging on to the last piece of anger doggedly, wallowing in self-pity and despair and perpetuating worse feelings within others as well as ourselves.

Methodical Monday

Here I am again at the beginning of a new week, well for a third shift worker this is my Tuesday morning.Firmly settled into third shift functioning, my morning is your night. My work day your sleep time, my breakfast time, your dinner time. Kind of like being on the opposite side of the world in some respects.On my days off my time reverts to that of what most individuals follow. This way I get to see and interact with my three adult children, spend meaningful time with my partner Rick and see friends for lunch, commiseration and just plain catching up on life in general that has elapsed.

I have become accustomed to my routine, and I keep to a schedule to keep my psyche as well balanced as possible. It also keeps my home organized and running smoothly.Some folks I am acquainted with see little or no value in keeping to a schedule. More than one time I have been called predictable and accused of not having any "fun". I challenge those individuals to relate that they feel as composed and even-keeled as I do. This is not to say that this works for everyone, but some routine is needed to keep feet firmly planted in the ground and moving forward. True some folks can fly by the seat of their pants, but for the lions-share of us, we thrive and are nurtured on order and regimentation.

Its all along the line of KISS...Keep It Simple Stupid. Figure out what will work in your situation, make a plan and adapt it in your life. It will take some time to get all the details ironed out, and some more time to institute the plan, but once it is repeated several times, it makes life and the pursuit of happiness flow in the direction you want it to. Sure one needs to change things up and go off the grid from time to time, but keeping to the PLAN can keep you grounded, content and ready to do those spontaneous things we remember more easily than the daily grind.

The Pursuit of Unhappiness

In watching people and listening to them, a common theme follows through for so many people. Seems they focus on things that stress them, things that are negative, they find the bad and the ugly in their life and of those around them. In focusing on what is wrong, what is bad, what "evil" befalls them, they perhaps unintentionally end up pursuing the much less elusive bluebird of UNhappiness. It is a large issue to be around people that seem to find almost everything wrong within their life and the lives of others. I try to avoid the pitfall of spending a great deal of time around such individuals. Their drama and doom and gloom punctuate things in the wrong manner. Certainly bad karma occurs within all of our lives, but mourn whatever the situation is in a timely manner and move forward as best as you can to get out of the drama ditch.


After a while of reading my missives here on blog-land, you will see I painstakingly move towards finding the positive. In even some of the most difficult situations, we can find the lesson contained within. We use the lesson to avoid repeating the mistakes when we can, and use the armor we obtain to protect us in sieges that may occur down the road for us and others in our lives. Some folks never seem to get this lesson at all. They cling steadfastly to the errors in their lives and keep repeating what went wrong. This I akin to "shampoo" and that lather, rinse, repeat cycle. Maybe you need to condition that "hair", or maybe change brands, to make the end result one that is pleasing to experience, as well as share with others. I think I make my point pretty crystal clear here for certain.

I am no PollyAnna with rose-colored glasses, just someone who has learned some of life's lessons, and utilized the material within them to move forward and make my life and others a bit better in one way or another. What works for me may not work for you, and vice verse, but when you do not like what is on your plate, then you need to look at the total picture instead of consuming the same old same old each and every day. Change is difficult, but once you dip your toes in the water and test it, you will be surprised at the difference even a small change can make, and go on to try bigger and more life-changing ones!

~balance in everything~

Monday Monday

As the Mamas and the Papas sang, can't trust that day. Actually it has little or nothing to do with the day, but more with the attributes people tag to the beginning of a new week.It goes along with so many that gripe and whine about their job, their partner in life, their life in general, they just seem to like to be malcontent and despise this and that. Truth is, find what you really do not like and work on changing it. Of course that takes time and so many of us do not want to wait for anything. We want to have instant gratification, good karma that comes without any time passage, or work towards anything that can assist them in changing the course of their life. That is not to state that I am a complete cynic, I know many that persevere and work slowly to make things better. Those same folks are the ones that can find the good in the midst of the eye of the storm. A common thread these people share is that they are concerned for others, and not just concentrated on me, myself and I. It saddens me to see the length people go to for themselves, but they neglect their fellow humans and step around them and their issues , turning a blind eye to the plight of others. But I regress to the griping so many others do that I find self-serving and egocentric.

Finding the balance in life is a ponderous task in these tough times we have currently. Caring and concern is difficult to have for others when many feel so downtrodden and suffering. But folks, in getting outside of one's own issues, and helping someone find a glimmer of light at the end of their tunnel, can mean everything to that person at any given moment in time, to say nothing of the feel good boost the helper can feel from just a little time and support to someone else, given without strings, free-floating. When you do find some balance in the day to day balancing act that life so often is, celebrate your victory and share the positive stories with others. I l believe that in creating positive moments, we can nurture many more acts that lead to a paying forward that is priceless in nature.

The Daily Rattle

It has been a long time since I have been in the habit of daily blogging. In the past, I blogged on Yahoo 360 and had a group of bloggers that I followed and some that followed me. At this juncture in time, I have no one, but that too could change. Sometimes I blogged to put lessons out there for folks, sometimes it was done just to gripe and get it out of my system, other times it was to share something good or just plain interesting. I do know that when I blogged on a regular basis, I felt that I was mostly doing something beneficial for myself. This is not a selfish act in my opinion, but one that kept my psyche healthy and my cerebrum unclogged from thoughts that would get stuck there. Some two plus years after the demise of my old blog platform, I find myself at the entrance to a new and hopefully more permanent blog platform I can utilize in much the same way I once used Yahoo 360. I met many online friends on 360, some I keep in regular contact with electronically, others I only contact occasionally.

As I go through thoughts and sift out what is in need of this format, I will share them on here. Life is changing for so many of us in many different ways, and often times a place to capture them and share them can assist us in getting where we need to be.

~balance in all things~

Friendship

Once again today I am reminded what REAL friendship is. It is someone listening to you and you in turn doing the same back. Sure, it is never truly 50/50, nothing in life is truly that way except in Math and even then there may be some difference mathematically. I lunched with one of my dearest friends, someone I met back when I was yet to become a mother, who befriended me and I them. Whenever we get together, it is though the place marker opens the book and we go right back on the page we left off on.

We remarked on how each of us have had some friendships recently that we have had to re-examine, mostly due to the one-sidedness of them. When one gives without even a miniscule return, one has to look at what is going on. Sometimes one has to cut their losses and sever the ties, though perhaps not completely, it is an act of self-preservation and common sense. We both marveled at the similarity of the situations, how the person we thought of as a friend truly did not know us at all, and that they were so self centered, there was no way they could know what friendship was at all.

Today reminded me that true friendship flows like melting ice in the Spring, and no more appropriate time of year to become aware of the value of people we have in our life that are truly irreplaceable.

New Beginnings

Halfway through the month of February, and decided to try a new spot to Blog. I have promised myself forever that I would be much more diligent about blogging, and so far this year I have not complied with my own goal. Perhaps this new Blog will help me to be successful. Time will tell.