Memories

 

A little over two years ago we moved out here to our quiet and idyllic mobile home in LaFayette. Prior to this, I resided over thirty years in a five bedroom three story home. My three children grew up there, my youngest spent his entire life living there, save two  short months at another home. He recently told me he will always view this as home. I can fully understand that, I grew up here in LaFayette and when I pass by the home of my youth and fond memories flood in. I recall the wonderful childhood I had there, alongside my parents, brothers and sister. I feel fortunate that I had a good childhood with two parents that taught me many important things that I carry forward to the present. 

Moving from a home one has lived in as long as I had is a daunting task. Given other circumstances I had a short window of opportunity to pack and take necessities and cherished things. Many things were given away, donated to the Salvation Army and others left behind. My situation provided that I did not have to empty the contents of the house. My partner Rick and I did all the packing, one of my older sons friends helped us  one day pack the container we rented to move our belongings . The rest we did over the course of a few weeks. Our last few days there we had sold the stove, the washer and dryer , using a laundromat and having takeout food most of the time. I was fairly certain I had packed all we really needed and wanted. The day we moved came and we gathered our cat herd up in carriers and took them via car. My SUV was filled with absolute necessities and fragile items, the container would not arrive for a few days. It was a mind boggling thing looking back on it. My youngest had moved into an apartment shortly before we moved, leaving behind the only home he had ever known. 

We arrived at our new home, first order of business was unpacking the cats and setting them up with food, water and litter boxes. For their safety we shut them in the smallest of three bedrooms with all they would need for a few hours. We unpacked the car and set up the bed. How we did all that still boggles my mind. Several days later the container arrived and we hired the brother of one of our new neighbors, a former classmate, to help unpack the container. He was a workhorse and the container was emptied in short time. We arranged things and slowly it became home. 

In the past two years we have wished several things moved with us, but we did not. I was certain I had moved a cherished write in cookbook I had since I was 20. Everything had been unpacked and it nowhere to be found. It was very disappointing as several cherished recipes were carefully written in there as well as clippings of recipes and other hand written recipes from my Mother, friends and co workers from past employment. The happy ending to this is a few days ago I decided to sort through a photo/memory box in my office cabinet. Amongst the pictures and other cherished memorabilia was the recipe book! What had eluded me for over two years was right there and safe. I had indeed packed it and ferreted in with other cherished items. I am grateful to have it in my possession still.

Memories are often things only contained in our minds. Most of them are of days long gone by, some are things that we value not for their monetary worth but for the memories attached to them. Be assured memories of my old homestead are firmly planted in my mind, most of them fond ones replete with stories of three young children and myself. Memories remain and give us smiles, laughter, tears and many things to be shared. New ones are made here where I am content and feel it is home on a new and different level. Life is calmer, easier and convenient here. It fills and nurtures my soul, and has been a good place to spend time in and with. 

Toxic People

 In life all of us have had circumstances where we are in contact with a toxic person or people. They play games making their behavior the result of their parents, the unfairness in life, and various other excuses. They play passive aggressive games, treat people poorly, never seem to accept blame in situations. Then they play the victim despite their end result being of their own crafting. 

Sometimes it can be a relative, a co worker or even the philosophy that a group accepts. Often we have no choice but to remain within the reach of the toxic situation, we live with the family member, have a job that pays well that we like, but we try our best to avoid interaction with the toxic negativity. At one job I held, this woman co-worker was a holy Hell, even management kowtowed to her, making her even more powerful. Thankfully after several years her own activities sabotaged her job. We spoke of it in murmurs, but no one dared put it on the table.

Some families have such toxic member that they participate minimally in family gatherings as it is just not worth their sanity. I know a few people that have worn this role and many that still do. One person has a brother that thankfully lives a coast away. It is interesting to watch these people in action, but not for long. Continuing to tolerate their behavior just gives them strength and continued toxicity.

When you can, completely avoid this kind of person. If you cannot, do your best to limit your contact as to keep your soul and sanity as intact as possible. When you play into their nonsense, you unwittingly provide them with what they want. Do these individuals ever change? Personally, I have never seen it, they are blamers, blithely never accepting personal responsibility. Do you resemble a toxic person? Perhaps if you think you may be one, you should ponder what you can do to change the tide.