Causticly Yours

In life there are many individuals who see themselves as the single most important human being in the world. They think not of others ideology, others feelings, others rights to free speech, others feelings, in short, they really and truly do not think of anyone but themselves. The saddest part of this, is that they fail to see how incredibly short-sighted and single minded they in fact are.The feel all their sentiments are so important that we all need to listen and follow THEIR lead, after all, they are the leading source on every and any subject that is important in this world. Another sad aspect is that they often bemoan the fact that they have no one in their life to share it,when in fact it is their repeated selfish acts, statements and philosophies that have put them there. They detest being labeled, but it is okay if they label a person from one statement that person makes in an unthinking moment or a moment of weakness or of frustration.In fact, they even speak of bigotry, but then they declare hatred upon many individuals and situations. In my book, hatred IS a type of bigotry.

Vitriolic woman, as we shall call her, is just one of the aforementioned type of individuals. She pronounces wisdom, so she sees it, in her writings, feels her acts are of a Christian nature and that she has much wisdom and is seasoned so she knows all about most subjects or topics of conversation. Unfortunately, the opposite is quite true. She spews forth hatred for many, yet states how we need to be kind to on another. This woman is an enigma as well as someone to be avoided at all costs. In times of weakness, she bemoans her fate of being alone, without family and without someone to care for and about her. If she looked really closely, and could admit the truth, her situation in life is truly of her own fashioning. She will say society has done this to her by not taking care of their elderly, their "sage" advisers. Truth be know, she is not truly elderly, she is self-serving as well as self-important to the Nth degree.Saddest part of all, Vitriolic woman has no ability to have self-awareness, nor to admit her part in the life she now leads.

My lesson learned from dealing with this person, and others like her, is that no matter how much you give someone of this nature, it is never enough. They cannot see themselves when they glance in the mirror, they see someone who has been a victim of society, someone who does not deserve the place they have gotten to in life.In fact, it seems the more you try to understand them, the more powerful and caustic they become. Narcissistic and blind to the true needs of others, they have served themselves a large serving of loneliness and despair, if they are brave enough to admit it. I have learned now to have pity for this kind of person, and to listen for a bit, but much beyond this and one can become their next victim of games and hatred.

I feel grateful to have good self-awareness and decent self esteem without being self obsessed or ignorant of others needs and feelings. I am far from perfect, something Vitriolic woman and others like them should admit, but then again, that would be asking far too much.

~balance in everything~

Levels of Disappointment

One of the most compelling feelings for this woman to deal with are ones of disappointment. That being said, it also depends on the level of disappointment. The dollar scratch-off lottery ticket purchased and no prize revealed is a minor type of disappointment that does not come into mind when I am thinking of disappointment. Perhaps one important thing for each of us to do is to learn to assign levels of disappointment, that way we can toss away items that truly do not deserve our time or our attention. Sometimes when we are amidst in a sea of dis-regulation, we make something small and trivial into something huge and looming. So part of assigning a disappointment level certainly involves being in a state of mind to perform the task in a level-headed manner.

I would assign four levels for disappointment events in my own life. Level one would be small events that I just need to mourn very slightly then toss away once I have gleaned the lesson from the experience. Level two would be experiences that upset me, but not to a level that anyone else noticed other than myself. Level three would be situations where others that knew me well noticed my disappointment and might ask of me what is wrong. Level four would be all out disappointment, the kind that everyone and anyone would be aware of my angst and despair. I am grateful that level four disappointments for this woman have not been as common as the ones and twos, too many level fours might mean some kind of emotional meltdown with far reaching effects on the psyche. I think assignment of levels is a purely personal one, what defines levels for me might clearly be very different for anyone else, it is all about individual situations, tolerance level, where your life stands at this moment and other factors.

Once we have assigned the disappointment level within our own mind, then we can more clearly see what kind of actions we may need to take, and may even be able to process the incident right there and then and be rid of it. well mostly. As a female of the human species, I am well aware of the female trait of need for repeated processing of much of life events. Seems our sex needs to digest and re-digest happenstances to make sense of it and place it in a frame of reference. Ridding ourselves of disappointments on our lowest levels frees us to move forward while taking the information, and possibly lesson, from the occurrence and get on with the business of living. Defining the issue helps us to see what happened more clearly, process the information, and figure out if there are any next steps to take.Sometimes our action may involve others, and presenting the situation to them to get an outside opinion of whether or not we need to kick the item to the curb, or take more aggressive action on it.

Crazy as it may sound, we may need to write notes to assist us in assessing the level and also create a point of reference that we can later go back to and with a clearer mind see if we were in a bad spot at the time, in a state of hormonal influence, or truly in need of further process and attention to the event or situation. Sometimes having the control to do all this may be very difficult, but for our own sanity and grace, it is of the utmost importance to gather the strength from within ourselves to maintain equilibrium, mostly for ourselves and sometimes for others we love and cherish. Putting it down in some sort of written fashion helps us process it, remember it accurately and immediately channel our situation into a more controlled environment that we will not regret at later points in time. In a few words, avoid the drama, at all costs.

So, the first step in handling disappointments is level assignment. The next steps will come more logically and freely once one has assessed things and decided yea or nay on further credence to something that may not matter the next day, or for that matter the next hour or minute. 

~balance in all things~

Hope

Recently someone special and important to many people passed away. This angel's name is Sharon, and her brief stay of fifty-eight years on this planet made an impact that will continue on long after her demise from cancer.Sharon was a champion of hope. She lived it, spoke of it, educated on it, gave hope to countless others when their own wells had run dry of the commodity. She did all this in a direct and forthright manner much of the time, though sometimes it was more subtle. Her leaving this Earthly plain shall give many cause to mourn her, but I know she would want those she knew, those she touched to perpetuate her legacy of hope.

Hope can begin as tiny as a tiny grain of sand, nearly invisible to the naked eye. It can be as small as the tiny mustard seed, but grow to gargantuan proportions if nurtured and imbued to others on a regular basis.Hope lives within us all, sometimes it can be a most difficult item to discover within oneself, at times of great trial, as difficult as finding the needle in the proverbial haystack. Sometimes when we are devoid of hope, someone comes along with a word, a touch, an idea, or just a knowing glance, and hope comes rising to the surface, appearing in a sea of confusion, waiting to buoy us up from the depths of despair and pain we may be experiencing. For hope to flourish and remain, one needs to renew their own well of hope on a regular basis, doing one's level best to not drain away the entire supply you possess at any given point in time, though I must say, hope is meant to be shared and one should never be stingy with it. In the act of providing someone with a bit of hope, you add to your own supply, giving you fuel to remain within your cause, your purpose, your path and journey in life.

Simply put, increasing the supply of hope is something we all can and should do. The small words of encouragement we can give to someone we barely know is one way to perpetuate hope. Just your presence can lift someones spirit, helping them to realize that someone cares and that they matter in this large cosmos when they feel defeated and are looking for a reason to keep on keeping on. Hope can be as simple as cheering on someone at the sidelines, whether that be literal or figurative, it matters not one way or the other. Hope may truly be an intangible substance, but it is one that is powerful and contagious. When one comes into contact with someone overflowing with hope, most of us cannot help but be encouraged by their personal energy and their contagious energy and words.

In honor of my friend Sharon, share some of your hope with someone today. It is a gift that is simple to give, more valuable than anything money can buy, and gives the recipient as much as it provides the giver.


~balance in everything~


 

Remnants of the Past

One of the most interesting things to and for me is the observation as well as interaction with people. Finding out what things they like, hobbies that spark their psyche, things that perplex them, just getting to know people. People never let me down, they always are interesting in one way or another and they help me to see myself better in relationship to some of their interests, hobbies and facets of information. Recently I have really begun to notice people and their relationships with their past and people they knew. By this I mean events they experienced, be it family situations, intimate relationships they had, work experiences and issues, really any part of their past that they hang on to an ruminate over. Truth is, I reach back and scan over some of my past. I feel fortunate that most of the things I have grasped onto are positive, and even now looking back, I can see the negative ones in a different light. I see how these experiences made an impact on me, and affect me even to this day. Most have strengthened me, but then some are my Achilles heel for certain.

It makes me ponder why some people fiercely hold onto and re-live some of the most negative and sometimes damaging parts of their past. Then I think,they never were able to transcend it, they stayed stuck in and on that thing that irritates, vexes, weakens, or somehow makes them unhappy. Instead of moving on from it, taking the lesson and going forward, they dig their heels in and wallow in the event, making themselves miserable from the moment they begin to reflect on it. We talk over why they are doing this, because, essentially they are causing themselves more pain from something they would rather, or so they say, leave in the past. Part of me realizes their was some facet of this situation or person they say they need to eradicate from their cerebrum, but truth is, they want to go back and recapture the time and think of how the ending could be different. They may even wish they could re-ignite the very thing they say causes them pain and anxiety, but for some reason, they say it is best forgotten.

I know someone who verbally maligns a person from their past on a regular basis, at least to me they speak maliciously of this person. Part of that is to feign their disinterest in the person, truth is, they still feel a link to this person, they want to feel the warm fuzzies they once experienced when in the company of said person. Perhaps it is when they felt most loved, most satisfied in every way and they long to feel that way again now.I guess if clinging to remnants can make someone feel personally satisfied and happy, then this must be the reason they do it. Biggest problem I see is that these remnants become a wedge between that person and those they are currently involved with. Of course, the past relationship was unique, and logically it can never be replaced by someone or something else, but the remnant is like a silent person, always there, watching, waiting and becoming a divide between the people in their lives currently.They seem to be failing to see the value and good in what they already have, somehow this is just not enough or what they want.

My advice to those that do this is to either come all the way forward, or go back to what you had, if that is an option. You are stagnating yourself as well as others with your desperate need to find your way back to that happy place. Truth is, you need to make a new happy place if the old one cannot be reissued, and sure, it will not be like the other one, it may even be better!


~balance in all things~

Emotional Rashes

Rashes?? Emotional rashes? Perhaps if you think of it as somewhat the equivalent of a mosquito bite on your foot, you know them well. You sit outside on a lovely summer evening, the little flying blood sucking buzzards attack you as though you are the best prime rib meal they have ever dined upon. It doesn't seem like the minuscule bug bite will bother you, but in the night somehow you itch and scratch it till it is inflamed and sore as can be. Emotional rashes are in the same league, big difference is they leave no visible marks one can see, but the effect is similar, and in some cases causes much more pain in a different manner all together.

It's that last nerve you have left, and you kindly warn people that you ultra sensitive , but they either do not hear you or just plain are not listening. They say or do something that pokes at you just enough to push you over that edge, and there you have it, an emotional rash. You are bugged, vexed, irritated, but just as much you are over-reacting to something that should not have been an issue at all. In retrospect you can see this, like they say hindsight is twenty twenty, and by gosh, it sure is just that. You feel like an idiot after the whole transaction is over and done, but you cannot take it away. In some cases you may dwell on it even more, even sometimes putting it to rest only to bring it out later in full force. The second or third time you think about it, you know you should have just let it go and put it to rest once and for all. The wise mind , if you access it, will assist you in decimating the "rash" and away it goes, stuffed deep away to be forever, well almost, dispelled from ones forefront of the mind.

The positive thinker in me is thankful I do not get many emotional rashes, but being human I cannot help but suffer from the occasional outbreak of such a beast. I take the lesson contained within and about the rash and use it to avoid a like situation in the future. Most times I am successful the first time around, though at times I do have it crop back up and need stronger action to cease its existence. I do notice, however, that many individuals have emotional rashes on a daily basis, and sometimes continually dip into the well and re-experience the situation over and over again. They seem so emotionally dis-regulated by the whole event and situation, yet they cling to it and treat the issue like some sort of prize to be displayed and enjoyed over and over. The same way I work to dispel the "rash", they nurture and even work to grow the "rash" to Herculean proportions. I also take the lesson I learn from watching someone become so obsessed with an experience that should not have had much importance or credence in their lives at all.

In conclusion, I am pleased that I can take my own personal situation, as well as others, and gain valuable insight to myself and also of others and what makes us tick and function as humans in an increasingly complex world.


~balance in all things~

Melancholy Rollercoaster

Without warning or real reason, the icy fingers of the monster than melancholy is, can grab your soul and twist it down into it's vortex. Many times people may associate it and call it Blue Monday. I guess perhaps statistically speaking, Monday may tend to be the day of the week most of "THE BLUES" occurs most frequently on. Of course this is pure conjecture on my part, I am most likely not going to do the research to back up my statement, after all, this is a blog purely for me to ramble and contain some of the multiple thought patterns and ideas I generate on a daily basis. But, I need to get back to the subject at hand, melancholy.

Yesterday, a Monday, the blues monster took me by the throat and spiraled me down, it ambushed me without any warning at all. I did succumb to its spell for nearly an hour, feeling as low and useless as I have felt in a very long time. This positive thinking and acting woman is thankful the moody blues rarely grab her this hard and this fast, for that I can thank in part genetics and my upbringing, as well as self-taught methods that keep me where I need to be mentally most of the time.I felt like I was on an amusement park ride, and that it was frightening and I wanted off, but no one could hear me yelling to stop the ride.Prior to the drop of the roller coaster, I was in a good place, feeling safe, secure and self-satisfied. Then, ka-pow, it hit like a jackhammer.

Thinking back on the moment I felt the undertow pull me down, I was starting to think too far ahead into my future. Thinking about the time when my young adult sons would move out, leaving me for the complete pursuit of the adult life I have raised them to experience. I thought about how empty the house would be, not only in the physical sense, but in the emotional and surreal sense as well. I thought about how my young adult daughter moved out over eight years ago, and how that impacted me, even to this day. I thought about how my first husband departed here, to begin a new life without me, and shut yet another chapter in my life and begin another one in earnest. I thought about the broken relationships I have had since then, a second marriage that was ill-fated from day one, as well as a few before that one. I do remember the relief I felt when my second husband moved out, and it was as though a weight had been lifted from me. I wondered why and how I would stay here, and when would I see the three reasons my life has had purpose over the past twenty-four plus years I have resided within the walls of this old home.

Overwhelmed was the end place I brought myself to with all these thoughts, a sort of personal system overload in the terminal of my brain. My wise mind took over thankfully, told me I could not begin to sort all this out in advance, I would need to attack it and solve it as it transpires. Worry and preponderance are just negative aspects that creep into our lives, and when the negative is allowed to free a reign in my world, some diabolical thing occurs and I go into melancholy mode, feeling desperate, depressed and useless . For several minutes I berated myself for failed relationships,as well as the relationships I have with my three adult children, my brothers and sister as well past and present friends. The wise mind told me that I have not failed in every relationship I have forged, and even in the failed ones, components that are good and useful came to pass. In essence, I learned from mistakes, and could also find the good memories in those relationships as well. In the end, for me, relationships have helped define the person I have developed to become at this point in my life. In the end, the amusement park ride slowed down, and became once again the safe carousel ride I loved so much as a child, and continue to enjoy even to this day.

End result? I can go on the scary rides from time to time, but not too many in one amusement park visit. The carousel is always a safe choice, it is that roller coaster that can scare the willies out of me. You see this is all symbolic, but wise reader, you have no doubt figured that out about me anyways. A few thoughts about what will come to pass are okay, but flooding myself with multiple and continued musings about what could be should be and would be, are just too dangerous for me to confront all in one fell swoop.



~balance in all things~

Forgiveness and Self-forgiveness

From repeated observation, it seems folks have a hard time forgiving others. Even more remarkable to me, is that they have an even more difficult time forgiving themselves. People love to bury themselves in up to their eyeballs in  self reproach and condemnation. I can identify with such acts, as I have participated in such things many times in my life. In order to get past the issue and the feelings of worthlessness at our own hands, we need to learn how to forgive ourselves as rapidly as we possibly can. Many people just continue to be masochistic and berate themselves over and over again, missing one of the most important facets of mistakes and wrong doings completely.

So, you say, what is that most important facet of mistakes and of wrong doings? Simple indeed, the lesson contained within the mistake is so much more important to grasp onto and not let go of than the reproach and berating language some folk are compelled to bow down to. Recognizing the lesson within helps us to forgive ourselves, as we are human and fallible, we are built that way in case you were not aware of this fact. To be able to truly learn anything successfully, we need to have errors, for the error embeds a sort of marker one can refer to in future situations that are of a similar nature. Sometimes  the whole process is so simple we tend to miss the lesson all together, and we continue to beat ourselves up.

Of course, we need to seek forgiveness from others when we have wronged them. Most of us were taught that basic lesson when we were much younger, though some doggedly refuse to ever forgive anyone, themselves included, any kind of forgiveness whatsoever. Therein lies the key to the whole forgiveness realm, so to speak. When we can sufficiently and properly forgive others, we can then forgive ourselves. It is equally important to do both for us to learn, grow and commiserate with others in a meaningful way. From my own personal experience, when I have forgiven another person for a transgression against me, it has been a very freeing thing. Equally so when I have forgiven myself something I have done to another or myself, it feels equally good, mending the psyche in seen and unseen ways Think about it, try it, the soul you save may just be your own, setting off a chain that is more healing than you can begin to realize.

Attitude Adjustments

Lately I read friends status updates on Facebook and often shake my head at what people post. Often times, individuals post dramatic statements, looking for others to feel their pain or just to vent how they are feeling at that specific point in time. Other times people post things that are meant to educate in one manner or another, as simple as sharing a recipe, more complex such as sharing political opinions and information to enlighten the public.Yet other times people just need to  kvetch and let their irritation of the moment be in the spotlight for us all to share and perhaps even make a note of a similar experience and bond with them in the electronic forum that social networking has become. The disturbing trend to me is that more often than not, it is negative things that find their way to these status updates, much like the newspapers and other information media, people seem to gravitate towards human suffering, sensationalism and the like. Perhaps much of this is due to a generally negative trend in general in how humans are feeling in the world, joblessness is at an all time high, weather patterns are wreaking havoc throughout the world , politicians continue to do idiotic and offending things, the crime rate continues to proliferate, and on and on, ad infinitum.

Accuse me of being one of "those people" who see the world through rose-colored glasses, or one of those "glass half -full " people. I prefer to call myself an agent of "positivity", working silently and diligently to create more of a positive energy force in the world, one small act at a time.I know that despite a flurry of negative events occurring in my own life, I continue to think in an upbeat and forward moving manner. Sure, life is no picnic, but one can work towards improvement at any given time and in any manner, the key is continuing to believe one can effect change not only on their own small corner of the world, but gradually the positive "infection" will spread more into mainstream and buoy many souls in the process.

Attitude adjustments begin with ourselves, first and foremost. When we work towards maintaining as positive a lifestyle and demeanor in ourselves, it cannot help but spread it along to those in connection with us, even in small ways such as through the written word on blog spaces, status updates, comments on friends statuses or blogs, and support and helping others in even the smallest of ways. Simplistic as it seems, adaptation of this method for me personally has helped me get through some of the most difficult, sad and angry points I have experienced in life. I wish we all could learn to count our blessings, instead of wallowing in our sadness, hanging on to the last piece of anger doggedly, wallowing in self-pity and despair and perpetuating worse feelings within others as well as ourselves.