Remnants of the Past

One of the most interesting things to and for me is the observation as well as interaction with people. Finding out what things they like, hobbies that spark their psyche, things that perplex them, just getting to know people. People never let me down, they always are interesting in one way or another and they help me to see myself better in relationship to some of their interests, hobbies and facets of information. Recently I have really begun to notice people and their relationships with their past and people they knew. By this I mean events they experienced, be it family situations, intimate relationships they had, work experiences and issues, really any part of their past that they hang on to an ruminate over. Truth is, I reach back and scan over some of my past. I feel fortunate that most of the things I have grasped onto are positive, and even now looking back, I can see the negative ones in a different light. I see how these experiences made an impact on me, and affect me even to this day. Most have strengthened me, but then some are my Achilles heel for certain.

It makes me ponder why some people fiercely hold onto and re-live some of the most negative and sometimes damaging parts of their past. Then I think,they never were able to transcend it, they stayed stuck in and on that thing that irritates, vexes, weakens, or somehow makes them unhappy. Instead of moving on from it, taking the lesson and going forward, they dig their heels in and wallow in the event, making themselves miserable from the moment they begin to reflect on it. We talk over why they are doing this, because, essentially they are causing themselves more pain from something they would rather, or so they say, leave in the past. Part of me realizes their was some facet of this situation or person they say they need to eradicate from their cerebrum, but truth is, they want to go back and recapture the time and think of how the ending could be different. They may even wish they could re-ignite the very thing they say causes them pain and anxiety, but for some reason, they say it is best forgotten.

I know someone who verbally maligns a person from their past on a regular basis, at least to me they speak maliciously of this person. Part of that is to feign their disinterest in the person, truth is, they still feel a link to this person, they want to feel the warm fuzzies they once experienced when in the company of said person. Perhaps it is when they felt most loved, most satisfied in every way and they long to feel that way again now.I guess if clinging to remnants can make someone feel personally satisfied and happy, then this must be the reason they do it. Biggest problem I see is that these remnants become a wedge between that person and those they are currently involved with. Of course, the past relationship was unique, and logically it can never be replaced by someone or something else, but the remnant is like a silent person, always there, watching, waiting and becoming a divide between the people in their lives currently.They seem to be failing to see the value and good in what they already have, somehow this is just not enough or what they want.

My advice to those that do this is to either come all the way forward, or go back to what you had, if that is an option. You are stagnating yourself as well as others with your desperate need to find your way back to that happy place. Truth is, you need to make a new happy place if the old one cannot be reissued, and sure, it will not be like the other one, it may even be better!


~balance in all things~