Attitude and Gratitude

Seems so many folks forget how closely related the above two words truly can be and are. When our feelings of gratitude are high, our attitudes are around the same level. There are times in life where we need to work hard to keep both of those items in check and that can be a very difficult thing for certain, almost a daunting task at times.

For example, when all is going well our satisfaction level is high, giving us much gratitude and one heck of a great demeanor, or attitude. When we find ourselves on the bottom of the heap dejected and down, we are sorely lacking in thanks or gratitude and often have a thankless attitude to match. At times like the latter, I seek out what the message the universe is trying to give me. What lesson or warning is contained within this situation? Do I need to slow down and pay mind to everyday items better? Have I taken a shortcut I never should have thought of in the first place?  If I really look and listen to all the facts that lesson will come rising to the surface in no time at all. Problem is so many of us get caught in the downward spiral that negativity, or the anti-gratitude can propel us headlong into. Once we let that wave of negativity and hostility catch us we surely have a job climbing from the depths that propels us down to. The bad attitude proliferates down there in those dark and negative places, holding us there like some super-charged electron magnet does to metal.

How do we break free from the shoes when we get super glued to the farthest depth of anger, despair, regret and sadness? The answer is simple yet not easy to do, the easy button does not function in this situation, though belief that it could may well help us. We need to leave those super glued shoes on the bottom, allowing ourselves to float back to the surface where the air us fresh, the stale and moody thoughts decline and we can feel better about things, slowly and purposefully. In essence we need to shed the stuck shoes and put new ones on that help us walk a path to self healing as well as self awareness. All this involves change, and as easy as change sounds, it is a difficult step to take as well as frightening to ponder for any length of time. Often the best way to attack change is head on jumping into it with abandon. If you find yourself unable to do that, then dipping ones bare toes in a little at a time may be the way to work towards that all important change. One has to find the solution that works best for them and utilize it. Stop looking for and finding excuses, just take some kind of action be it radical or minimal, to start you in the direction you need to be heading.

Working diligently, any of us can have the gratitude and the attitude that gets us to the place we need to get to. Sure it takes work, but anything in life is borne of blood, sweat and many tears. Figure out your path, and get on it.

~balance in all things~

Causticly Yours

In life there are many individuals who see themselves as the single most important human being in the world. They think not of others ideology, others feelings, others rights to free speech, others feelings, in short, they really and truly do not think of anyone but themselves. The saddest part of this, is that they fail to see how incredibly short-sighted and single minded they in fact are.The feel all their sentiments are so important that we all need to listen and follow THEIR lead, after all, they are the leading source on every and any subject that is important in this world. Another sad aspect is that they often bemoan the fact that they have no one in their life to share it,when in fact it is their repeated selfish acts, statements and philosophies that have put them there. They detest being labeled, but it is okay if they label a person from one statement that person makes in an unthinking moment or a moment of weakness or of frustration.In fact, they even speak of bigotry, but then they declare hatred upon many individuals and situations. In my book, hatred IS a type of bigotry.

Vitriolic woman, as we shall call her, is just one of the aforementioned type of individuals. She pronounces wisdom, so she sees it, in her writings, feels her acts are of a Christian nature and that she has much wisdom and is seasoned so she knows all about most subjects or topics of conversation. Unfortunately, the opposite is quite true. She spews forth hatred for many, yet states how we need to be kind to on another. This woman is an enigma as well as someone to be avoided at all costs. In times of weakness, she bemoans her fate of being alone, without family and without someone to care for and about her. If she looked really closely, and could admit the truth, her situation in life is truly of her own fashioning. She will say society has done this to her by not taking care of their elderly, their "sage" advisers. Truth be know, she is not truly elderly, she is self-serving as well as self-important to the Nth degree.Saddest part of all, Vitriolic woman has no ability to have self-awareness, nor to admit her part in the life she now leads.

My lesson learned from dealing with this person, and others like her, is that no matter how much you give someone of this nature, it is never enough. They cannot see themselves when they glance in the mirror, they see someone who has been a victim of society, someone who does not deserve the place they have gotten to in life.In fact, it seems the more you try to understand them, the more powerful and caustic they become. Narcissistic and blind to the true needs of others, they have served themselves a large serving of loneliness and despair, if they are brave enough to admit it. I have learned now to have pity for this kind of person, and to listen for a bit, but much beyond this and one can become their next victim of games and hatred.

I feel grateful to have good self-awareness and decent self esteem without being self obsessed or ignorant of others needs and feelings. I am far from perfect, something Vitriolic woman and others like them should admit, but then again, that would be asking far too much.

~balance in everything~

Levels of Disappointment

One of the most compelling feelings for this woman to deal with are ones of disappointment. That being said, it also depends on the level of disappointment. The dollar scratch-off lottery ticket purchased and no prize revealed is a minor type of disappointment that does not come into mind when I am thinking of disappointment. Perhaps one important thing for each of us to do is to learn to assign levels of disappointment, that way we can toss away items that truly do not deserve our time or our attention. Sometimes when we are amidst in a sea of dis-regulation, we make something small and trivial into something huge and looming. So part of assigning a disappointment level certainly involves being in a state of mind to perform the task in a level-headed manner.

I would assign four levels for disappointment events in my own life. Level one would be small events that I just need to mourn very slightly then toss away once I have gleaned the lesson from the experience. Level two would be experiences that upset me, but not to a level that anyone else noticed other than myself. Level three would be situations where others that knew me well noticed my disappointment and might ask of me what is wrong. Level four would be all out disappointment, the kind that everyone and anyone would be aware of my angst and despair. I am grateful that level four disappointments for this woman have not been as common as the ones and twos, too many level fours might mean some kind of emotional meltdown with far reaching effects on the psyche. I think assignment of levels is a purely personal one, what defines levels for me might clearly be very different for anyone else, it is all about individual situations, tolerance level, where your life stands at this moment and other factors.

Once we have assigned the disappointment level within our own mind, then we can more clearly see what kind of actions we may need to take, and may even be able to process the incident right there and then and be rid of it. well mostly. As a female of the human species, I am well aware of the female trait of need for repeated processing of much of life events. Seems our sex needs to digest and re-digest happenstances to make sense of it and place it in a frame of reference. Ridding ourselves of disappointments on our lowest levels frees us to move forward while taking the information, and possibly lesson, from the occurrence and get on with the business of living. Defining the issue helps us to see what happened more clearly, process the information, and figure out if there are any next steps to take.Sometimes our action may involve others, and presenting the situation to them to get an outside opinion of whether or not we need to kick the item to the curb, or take more aggressive action on it.

Crazy as it may sound, we may need to write notes to assist us in assessing the level and also create a point of reference that we can later go back to and with a clearer mind see if we were in a bad spot at the time, in a state of hormonal influence, or truly in need of further process and attention to the event or situation. Sometimes having the control to do all this may be very difficult, but for our own sanity and grace, it is of the utmost importance to gather the strength from within ourselves to maintain equilibrium, mostly for ourselves and sometimes for others we love and cherish. Putting it down in some sort of written fashion helps us process it, remember it accurately and immediately channel our situation into a more controlled environment that we will not regret at later points in time. In a few words, avoid the drama, at all costs.

So, the first step in handling disappointments is level assignment. The next steps will come more logically and freely once one has assessed things and decided yea or nay on further credence to something that may not matter the next day, or for that matter the next hour or minute. 

~balance in all things~

Hope

Recently someone special and important to many people passed away. This angel's name is Sharon, and her brief stay of fifty-eight years on this planet made an impact that will continue on long after her demise from cancer.Sharon was a champion of hope. She lived it, spoke of it, educated on it, gave hope to countless others when their own wells had run dry of the commodity. She did all this in a direct and forthright manner much of the time, though sometimes it was more subtle. Her leaving this Earthly plain shall give many cause to mourn her, but I know she would want those she knew, those she touched to perpetuate her legacy of hope.

Hope can begin as tiny as a tiny grain of sand, nearly invisible to the naked eye. It can be as small as the tiny mustard seed, but grow to gargantuan proportions if nurtured and imbued to others on a regular basis.Hope lives within us all, sometimes it can be a most difficult item to discover within oneself, at times of great trial, as difficult as finding the needle in the proverbial haystack. Sometimes when we are devoid of hope, someone comes along with a word, a touch, an idea, or just a knowing glance, and hope comes rising to the surface, appearing in a sea of confusion, waiting to buoy us up from the depths of despair and pain we may be experiencing. For hope to flourish and remain, one needs to renew their own well of hope on a regular basis, doing one's level best to not drain away the entire supply you possess at any given point in time, though I must say, hope is meant to be shared and one should never be stingy with it. In the act of providing someone with a bit of hope, you add to your own supply, giving you fuel to remain within your cause, your purpose, your path and journey in life.

Simply put, increasing the supply of hope is something we all can and should do. The small words of encouragement we can give to someone we barely know is one way to perpetuate hope. Just your presence can lift someones spirit, helping them to realize that someone cares and that they matter in this large cosmos when they feel defeated and are looking for a reason to keep on keeping on. Hope can be as simple as cheering on someone at the sidelines, whether that be literal or figurative, it matters not one way or the other. Hope may truly be an intangible substance, but it is one that is powerful and contagious. When one comes into contact with someone overflowing with hope, most of us cannot help but be encouraged by their personal energy and their contagious energy and words.

In honor of my friend Sharon, share some of your hope with someone today. It is a gift that is simple to give, more valuable than anything money can buy, and gives the recipient as much as it provides the giver.


~balance in everything~


 

Remnants of the Past

One of the most interesting things to and for me is the observation as well as interaction with people. Finding out what things they like, hobbies that spark their psyche, things that perplex them, just getting to know people. People never let me down, they always are interesting in one way or another and they help me to see myself better in relationship to some of their interests, hobbies and facets of information. Recently I have really begun to notice people and their relationships with their past and people they knew. By this I mean events they experienced, be it family situations, intimate relationships they had, work experiences and issues, really any part of their past that they hang on to an ruminate over. Truth is, I reach back and scan over some of my past. I feel fortunate that most of the things I have grasped onto are positive, and even now looking back, I can see the negative ones in a different light. I see how these experiences made an impact on me, and affect me even to this day. Most have strengthened me, but then some are my Achilles heel for certain.

It makes me ponder why some people fiercely hold onto and re-live some of the most negative and sometimes damaging parts of their past. Then I think,they never were able to transcend it, they stayed stuck in and on that thing that irritates, vexes, weakens, or somehow makes them unhappy. Instead of moving on from it, taking the lesson and going forward, they dig their heels in and wallow in the event, making themselves miserable from the moment they begin to reflect on it. We talk over why they are doing this, because, essentially they are causing themselves more pain from something they would rather, or so they say, leave in the past. Part of me realizes their was some facet of this situation or person they say they need to eradicate from their cerebrum, but truth is, they want to go back and recapture the time and think of how the ending could be different. They may even wish they could re-ignite the very thing they say causes them pain and anxiety, but for some reason, they say it is best forgotten.

I know someone who verbally maligns a person from their past on a regular basis, at least to me they speak maliciously of this person. Part of that is to feign their disinterest in the person, truth is, they still feel a link to this person, they want to feel the warm fuzzies they once experienced when in the company of said person. Perhaps it is when they felt most loved, most satisfied in every way and they long to feel that way again now.I guess if clinging to remnants can make someone feel personally satisfied and happy, then this must be the reason they do it. Biggest problem I see is that these remnants become a wedge between that person and those they are currently involved with. Of course, the past relationship was unique, and logically it can never be replaced by someone or something else, but the remnant is like a silent person, always there, watching, waiting and becoming a divide between the people in their lives currently.They seem to be failing to see the value and good in what they already have, somehow this is just not enough or what they want.

My advice to those that do this is to either come all the way forward, or go back to what you had, if that is an option. You are stagnating yourself as well as others with your desperate need to find your way back to that happy place. Truth is, you need to make a new happy place if the old one cannot be reissued, and sure, it will not be like the other one, it may even be better!


~balance in all things~

Emotional Rashes

Rashes?? Emotional rashes? Perhaps if you think of it as somewhat the equivalent of a mosquito bite on your foot, you know them well. You sit outside on a lovely summer evening, the little flying blood sucking buzzards attack you as though you are the best prime rib meal they have ever dined upon. It doesn't seem like the minuscule bug bite will bother you, but in the night somehow you itch and scratch it till it is inflamed and sore as can be. Emotional rashes are in the same league, big difference is they leave no visible marks one can see, but the effect is similar, and in some cases causes much more pain in a different manner all together.

It's that last nerve you have left, and you kindly warn people that you ultra sensitive , but they either do not hear you or just plain are not listening. They say or do something that pokes at you just enough to push you over that edge, and there you have it, an emotional rash. You are bugged, vexed, irritated, but just as much you are over-reacting to something that should not have been an issue at all. In retrospect you can see this, like they say hindsight is twenty twenty, and by gosh, it sure is just that. You feel like an idiot after the whole transaction is over and done, but you cannot take it away. In some cases you may dwell on it even more, even sometimes putting it to rest only to bring it out later in full force. The second or third time you think about it, you know you should have just let it go and put it to rest once and for all. The wise mind , if you access it, will assist you in decimating the "rash" and away it goes, stuffed deep away to be forever, well almost, dispelled from ones forefront of the mind.

The positive thinker in me is thankful I do not get many emotional rashes, but being human I cannot help but suffer from the occasional outbreak of such a beast. I take the lesson contained within and about the rash and use it to avoid a like situation in the future. Most times I am successful the first time around, though at times I do have it crop back up and need stronger action to cease its existence. I do notice, however, that many individuals have emotional rashes on a daily basis, and sometimes continually dip into the well and re-experience the situation over and over again. They seem so emotionally dis-regulated by the whole event and situation, yet they cling to it and treat the issue like some sort of prize to be displayed and enjoyed over and over. The same way I work to dispel the "rash", they nurture and even work to grow the "rash" to Herculean proportions. I also take the lesson I learn from watching someone become so obsessed with an experience that should not have had much importance or credence in their lives at all.

In conclusion, I am pleased that I can take my own personal situation, as well as others, and gain valuable insight to myself and also of others and what makes us tick and function as humans in an increasingly complex world.


~balance in all things~

Melancholy Rollercoaster

Without warning or real reason, the icy fingers of the monster than melancholy is, can grab your soul and twist it down into it's vortex. Many times people may associate it and call it Blue Monday. I guess perhaps statistically speaking, Monday may tend to be the day of the week most of "THE BLUES" occurs most frequently on. Of course this is pure conjecture on my part, I am most likely not going to do the research to back up my statement, after all, this is a blog purely for me to ramble and contain some of the multiple thought patterns and ideas I generate on a daily basis. But, I need to get back to the subject at hand, melancholy.

Yesterday, a Monday, the blues monster took me by the throat and spiraled me down, it ambushed me without any warning at all. I did succumb to its spell for nearly an hour, feeling as low and useless as I have felt in a very long time. This positive thinking and acting woman is thankful the moody blues rarely grab her this hard and this fast, for that I can thank in part genetics and my upbringing, as well as self-taught methods that keep me where I need to be mentally most of the time.I felt like I was on an amusement park ride, and that it was frightening and I wanted off, but no one could hear me yelling to stop the ride.Prior to the drop of the roller coaster, I was in a good place, feeling safe, secure and self-satisfied. Then, ka-pow, it hit like a jackhammer.

Thinking back on the moment I felt the undertow pull me down, I was starting to think too far ahead into my future. Thinking about the time when my young adult sons would move out, leaving me for the complete pursuit of the adult life I have raised them to experience. I thought about how empty the house would be, not only in the physical sense, but in the emotional and surreal sense as well. I thought about how my young adult daughter moved out over eight years ago, and how that impacted me, even to this day. I thought about how my first husband departed here, to begin a new life without me, and shut yet another chapter in my life and begin another one in earnest. I thought about the broken relationships I have had since then, a second marriage that was ill-fated from day one, as well as a few before that one. I do remember the relief I felt when my second husband moved out, and it was as though a weight had been lifted from me. I wondered why and how I would stay here, and when would I see the three reasons my life has had purpose over the past twenty-four plus years I have resided within the walls of this old home.

Overwhelmed was the end place I brought myself to with all these thoughts, a sort of personal system overload in the terminal of my brain. My wise mind took over thankfully, told me I could not begin to sort all this out in advance, I would need to attack it and solve it as it transpires. Worry and preponderance are just negative aspects that creep into our lives, and when the negative is allowed to free a reign in my world, some diabolical thing occurs and I go into melancholy mode, feeling desperate, depressed and useless . For several minutes I berated myself for failed relationships,as well as the relationships I have with my three adult children, my brothers and sister as well past and present friends. The wise mind told me that I have not failed in every relationship I have forged, and even in the failed ones, components that are good and useful came to pass. In essence, I learned from mistakes, and could also find the good memories in those relationships as well. In the end, for me, relationships have helped define the person I have developed to become at this point in my life. In the end, the amusement park ride slowed down, and became once again the safe carousel ride I loved so much as a child, and continue to enjoy even to this day.

End result? I can go on the scary rides from time to time, but not too many in one amusement park visit. The carousel is always a safe choice, it is that roller coaster that can scare the willies out of me. You see this is all symbolic, but wise reader, you have no doubt figured that out about me anyways. A few thoughts about what will come to pass are okay, but flooding myself with multiple and continued musings about what could be should be and would be, are just too dangerous for me to confront all in one fell swoop.



~balance in all things~