Beginnings

We are at the end of 2017, it gives many of us time to reflect on what has been this past year, and plan for what will be for the next year. Our deepest hopes and desires can often be what we think about, though sometimes just some simple changes are what we plan to make. In days gone by, I would often plan to lose weight, having been a big girl all of my adult life. I propose to continue to eat as healthily as I can, with the focus being on balance. I would often plan to treat people as I would like to be treated, you all know, that old golden rule most of us were taught growing up. I know that many resolutions I made never made it past the first week of a new year, that is the case for so many of us. As I have gotten older, though not as much wiser as I might have once thought my silver years would bring, I realize that treating each day as the most important one ever is what is needed. Yesterdays errors can be erased to some degree most times, and we can commit  to not letting them occur again. Planning too much in the future can boggle our brains and weight us down with burdens we need not create in the first place. My focus will be to make each day the best one it can be, and to not punish myself when I fall short of any of my daily goals, but rather forgive myself, analyze the situation and move forward. Getting bogged down in past mistakes and missed opportunities is a waste of precious and valuable time. Caveat here, what works for me might not work for you, and vice verse. I have a couple of acquaintances that craft their own blogs, and their purpose is different, far different than mine is. We are different folks, therefore we have different aspirations, goals and life purpose. I need to keep that in mind when I read said blogs, often they are self involved and make me wonder why the person needs to commit to the written word such meanderings. Then I recall, we are ALL different, and we have needs and habits that vary from person to person. One thing I need to practice in a stronger way is accepting people as they are, and making no judgment upon them or their life. I have always classified myself as a giver, and that has often led to my not doing the best for ME that I can. Givers tend to listen more, and not get their own needs met. One of my intrinsic needs is to feel I am assisting someone in some way, no matter how small. Financially, that is not something I have the resources to accomplish if they need to have that kind of assistance. I have other attributes that are as valuable, if not more so, that monetary ones. Giving of time is one of the things so many of us are guilty of being selfish with. Another part of my focus will be to continue to look at what people do right and do my best with avoidance with an obsession of what they do that is wrong, and especially wrong in my eyes. I do not live their life and they do not live mine, I have no right to judge them as they have none to judge me. I also need to continue to bite my tongue when I do not have something positive or good to contribute. Positive statements, actions and deeds make the world a better place, and it begins with me, even if only in a small way. I choose to make each day a beginning, much like a blank sheet of paper with crisp lines and no erasures. A blank canvas to create something all together unique and make a difference even in only a small way. Global change begins with local action and we each can make an important contribution to making change.  Tomorrow is not here yet, I choose to concentrate on this moment, this day and keep life as good as it can possibly be.

TGIF or Mondays are Marvelous

So many people adore Friday, yet disdain Monday. Even when I was a Monday through Friday 9-5 gal, I never lived for Fridays nor the weekend. I love each day, and some more than others, but it has little to do with the day of the week or the name of the day of the week. I chuckle when I see some putting up their TGIF memes and proclaiming hooray for the weekend. For me, each day counts and in a different way each individual day.

Then we have the Monday growlers, oh boo hoo, the weekend is over and they tend to be in a bad mood. Why I say? Contemplating how each day is good can carry one far and lends to the positive mood one can get themselves in. After all, positive deed and word attracts more positive ions to your day, your week, your month, year ad infinitude. Even miserable days contain some modicum of goodness, even if it involves a lesson. The Debbie Downers and Nancy Naysayers of the world get  no positive attention from me. On social media, for example, Facebook, I tend to skip their negative posts, do not acknowledge the dismal mood, and instead wait for their moments of positive posts and lavish attention on those. Sure I have my off days, but for the most part, I find the good in each day, each person and can live each day fully as I possibly am able to.

Try framing your days this way, it cannot hurt. Who knows, you may find yourself enjoying each day and your life just a little more!


                                                          ~~~Balance in all things~~~

Summer Solstice

Today marks the longest day of the year, as well as the first official day of summer. Summer is my third favorite season, my favorite season is Fall, followed by Spring, then the current season of Summer, and least favorite is Winter. While I enjoy longer days and more sunlight, and warmer temperatures, I am not a fan of the humidity at all. We are famous for overly humid days here in the Syracuse area. I have no tolerance for humidity, it saps my energy, makes me feel nauseous and just makes me feel one hundred pounds heavier.  Some considered summer to have already started once the parks opened  and baseball and Indy 500 took place. That is someone else's definition of summer, and one social media "friend" gave me a litany of words when I said summer's official start was not when they have the Indy 500 and sing the song "Back Home In Indiana". To him, it is, but not me. I tend to be a tried and true died in the wool girl for the beginning of the seasons by calendar dates, though sometimes we have a day that is "summer-like" long before the actual date. Another social media friend loves Summer, is is her favorite season of all,and good for you I say. I like Summer, but indeed it is not my favorite now or ever. I like Summer-time get together s, outdoor concerts, fireworks, festivals and vacations, though I have not had one of those in over 20 years. Summer in my youth meant daily bike excursions to our town pool, crafts, staying out later, games played outside, until dark, and catching fireflies and storing them in a jar.

We love cooking out, but we do that year round. I love eating summer fruits and vegetables, nothing like fresh tomatoes, corn on the cob and all the seasonal treats we have in the summer locally. We adore pasta salad as well as potato and macaroni salad, but we make those year round also. I try not to limit the menu at any time of year, though turning on the oven on a sweltering day is out of the question in my home, no central AC here! To all those that love the Summer, I am happy for you, but my season is next and no one can dissuade me from loving it will all I am. 

Enjoy your summer days and nights, vacations and visits with family for cook-outs, reunions and the like. Do not forget your year 'round friends as well as those you may not have seen in a long time. Reach out and do a few different things, widen your small circle just a small bit you will be surprised at the joy both you and the other person experience, a different kind of summer sunshine all in itself.

                                                     ~~Balance in all things~~

Different Yet Same

I enjoy social media, it allows me to stay in touch with family that is not nearby. It also allows me to meet new folks, though most times I never meet them in person. It allows me to keep in touch with classmates from high school and college, as well as co-workers from past and current employment. I have met many people playing a few online games I enjoy. At this point in my life, given my work schedule of 4 AM to 12:30 PM, I have little opportunity to meet with those I would like to in person. I hope someday when I have the luxury of retirement, I will be able to see a few more than I currently am able to. Social media has also let me have a sort of insider track on what these people do for a living now, what their hobbies are, and many events that take place in their life. I am thankful for that. I have the pleasure of doing this at a convenient time and place for me.

There are parts of social media I do NOT enjoy. People getting on soapboxes, but it is their right to proclaim their affinity and desire to support such things. I find myself scanning those post quickly and moving on. Politically charged posts also are not favored by this woman. Again, it is your right to put what you believe in on your page, and I am in agreement with this. I also dislike people that spend most of their time online tooting their own horns, as well as whining about their intolerable lives and things that have befallen them. Again, this is their right and it is good they have a place to vent, argue, rant, rave and socialize in a way that may benefit them in some way or another. It has opened my eyes up to see why some former friends, classmates, workers, etcetera have fallen out of my regular"rotation" to spend time with, converse with or even get together with. Selfish and self-centered people have never been my cup of tea, I prefer the company of empathetic social type individuals, those who care about others almost as much as they care for themselves and family members or close/beloved friends.  Many hours are spent enjoying some posts, while I shake my head and wonder what people are thinking in other posts. Human nature and behavior is always interesting to me. The whiners with their myriad of issues just seem to not get finding the good in any given situation. I am no Pollyanna, but life is better when the positives are derived and accentuated in any situation.

Some of the people I have known the longest puzzle me the most. They have made no effort to stay in touch in the real world, despite living less than a 15 minute drive away. There are a few with lives busy like mine that I see one or two times per year, these are the friends that are rare and precious jewels in my crown of life. The rest, well, we just have nothing in common any more, maybe we never did. I do not mourn their absence in my real life, I just remember the good times and hope their lives are good and prosperous. No one is any busier than I am, nor am I less busy than they. It is what it is, and times we once shared are mere memories and will stay embedded in my memory for all time

We are the same, yet we are now different. Our circles revolve around different things, different places, pursuits that are not alike, family that is important to and for us. Having lost both my parents and my eldest brother as well as my nephew and a few other relatives, I cherish their memories and hope they slow down their own activities enough to enjoy those still residing on this short journey we all have on Earth. Make the best and most of your time, today is here, and tomorrow is not promised to any of us. I challenge you that read this to reach out to someone that is important to you, either then or now. You will not be disappointed,nor will they,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Balance in all things~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goodbyes

How do we say goodbye to those we lose? Losing people we adore, love and enjoy in our lives is never an easy task. Many of our goodbyes are semi-permanent as well. When someone close to us in some way passes away, we hold memories of them in our heart and mind forever, saying goodbye only to their physical presence in our life.When we change jobs, or addresses, we lose folks as well in those situations. Try as we might, most time we lose the connections we had to these folks on a daily basis. We mean to stay connected, but life's obligations and rhythms make it difficult much of the time. Sometimes we lose folks in our life due to differences of opinion, those situations are tense and hard to deal with in their own way. Sometimes we try to meet on a middle or neutral ground, but often in such terse situations, try as we might, success is not achieved to remain connected and meaningful in our exchanges.

Ways to cope with loss vary from person to person, truly there is no right or wrong way to grieve a loss of any kind. Sometimes we may not understand the persons ways of dealing with the remains of their memories and feelings, but it is their way and judging them is not beneficial to them or to you. Support is what folks need in these times as well as acceptance. When one can find coping mechanisms to deal with their loss, it helps them to lead a happier life, though life can and never will be what it was. That leads me to what life is full of, and that is change. Change is something we have all the time, people and situations move in and out of our life much more often and rapidly we might like it to occur. These are things we cannot control, the sooner we can realize that the easier the change itself might be to deal with for us.

At a beloved job, I learned about dialectical behavior therapy. One of the key components is radical acceptance. There are things in life we somehow just have to accept at face value, for what is is and do our best to move forward, and we all move forward at different speeds. It is okay that we all process our situations in different ways and on different time tables. We should be less judgmental of how people do process things and give them room to go on at their own pace in their own time. I will also add here, that some people seem to stay stuck in the angst the remainder of their lives, never truly able to let go of some of it and move forward. When loss becomes obsessive, it will often drive others away, leaving some wondering where their support committee went. It also means one needs be cognizant of where they want life to go. I am not saying people should forget, but one needs to learn what they can about themselves, and take the necessary baggage from the past and keep it where it needs to be for them to live productive and a life as fulfilling as possible.

I also am reminded of many people saying, you do not know how or what I am feeling, you have no way of knowing. I like to reflect back, of course I do not know, I am not you and cannot begin to feel what you feel within your heart and soul. To counter I like to add, and you cannot feel what I have dealt with in terms of loss, either. I can only attempt to support you, listen to you and be there in some small way. People that want to help want to do just that. Sometimes it is awkward to know just what to say or do, but your circle of people will want to help in some fashion, no matter how small to let you know they care. Being a helper/listening individual I find myself in support mode frequently and want to help others with their goodbyes and issues with them. I am not an expert by no means, just a willing empathetic soul that has a need to reach out and be there, even for some I barely know.

Goodbyes are rarely totally terminal, we tend to keep some of the morsels of the person, job, experience etcetera  in our memory locker, to pull out in fond remembrance or to warm our soul on those difficult days.Even when we try to erase things and people from our conscious, we retain fragments that pop up at unexpected moments. From my experience, most of these fragments make me smile or remind me of an important lesson of life that I learned. In closing, there is truly no average or standard in goodbye and dealing with loss of any kind, one has to deal with it from their own need as well as desire to move on with this journey we call life.


                                                       ~~~balance in all things~~~

The View from Here

Lately when reading others social media posts I try to connect with what they are feeling, seeing, and experiencing. Sometimes this is desperately difficult, I share my day to day goings on easily and often, things we cook, things we do and projects we are working on here in my home of thirty years. Many people are very vague in their postings, others are much more public than I ever would or could be, I was raised by two loving and wise parents, youngest of five, one sister and three brothers. We were all taught to do our best job on everything we did, to help out in any way we could and to not be burdensome to others .Part of not being burdensome was keeping the most of ones sorrows and troubles hidden from most, shared only with those we loved, or very close to. I have had my share of troubles, sorrows and shameful things in my life, only my tight knit circle know about the lion's share of them. Putting ones heart out on their sleeves can be dangerous for oneself as well as others. When my twenty year marriage dissolved, I needed to seek outside therapy as I was obsessed with the loss and could not overcome it without the help of two female therapists who helped me put all in perspective and helped me realize what strength I had  now and then. I am ever in their gratitude for waking me to my own resilience and wisdom in life, Colleen and Linda, wherever you may be, greatest thanks indeed.But, back to the business of social media and too much self revelations shared and spread.

When you find yourself at a loss for your life, it is not a sign of weakness to seek help, in fact it is strength when you realize you just cannot get thing together or past things without others to kindly and gently point you in the direction you need to go in. Continuing to stay stuck does not help you to resolve anger, hurt, disappointment, loss and all those other things you are bombarded with on a daily basis. Never compare your own situation as not as bad as someone else, or worse than someone else. After all, we are not in one an other's shoes or situations, so how can we truly know what they are feeling deep within their deepest recesses? Simply said, we just do not and should never disenfranchise another with their feelings or life situations. To not be validated by others is indeed a feeling that most often elicits anger and hurt, so try your best to understand others and where they are coming from. Telling me, or others, that I just do not know what you have been through is just inaccurate as can be. Perhaps I have not suffered the same losses you have, but nevertheless, I have had my own as well as others have also. Keeping an open mind and heart helps one to heal themselves also.

I have found for ME, what works is true and genuine concern for others plights and situations, trying to assess their situation and be and do what I can and they will allow me to in order to assist them in some way, even if it is only a small way. Sadly, I have found many people that are so self involved and self absorbed, that they just do not seem to be able to focus outside of themselves in most ways. For me, this was the key for self healing and a resolution of sorts to my deep and painful hurt and sorrow. Which brings us back to seeking outside help, someone we can trust, if possible a professional, to help us get back on a day to day road and routine that can get us some bit of satisfaction once again in our daily lives. The biggest hurdle to overcome is the fact that most likely that this necessitates change, and change is not an easy thing to embrace, as we all have experienced at one time of another in our life.

Excuses like labeling oneself do not assist either, it just gives us an excuse to stay stuck where we are with a false reason of sorts to stay there and continue to spin our wheels. Before you realize it, your wheels are stuck as though in a bed of concrete. I know some that say well, I am an introvert, I cannot do what you do. Kind soul, one is not expecting you to do exactly as I do, but get out of your own way so you can look objectively at things and get more out of life than your current  focus seems to be getting you to.

The biggest hurdle for me was to learn to trust again, but only a chosen few. Feelings close to the heart and soul need to be protected so one does not experience more hurt, and finding that person you trust can be difficult, but not impossible. Sometimes the person you need to trust more is right in front of you when you look in the mirror, self-doubt can cripple and keep you stuck and not assist you in moving forward.

Those few of you that wish to remain stuck, and mostly miserable, remember this is a choice. Attitude is a decision, as is life paths and moves we all make. Consider what you want and make a list, some things in life we can never regain, but we can gain other things once again to help us feel we are living the life we want and need. Balance is the key to inner peace and self -harmony.

Time(s) A Changin'

We turned our clocks ahead one hour this morning at 2 AM. From reading a few social media posts as well as "acquaintances" blog posts, one would think this is the beginning of the end for some, To me it is just another example of useless bemoaning of a simple one hour issue. I am sure there are some that can point out the ill effects of this one hour time change, and feel free to comment and state what these issues are. Personally, I feel it is just more of the usual whining, complaining and griping most folks seem to do. The effect it has on me is minimal, I admit I enjoy looking at the clock and seeing the longer daylight hours. The clock is where the change is, and so many live by the clock and have to. Those of us  that work have a time clock to punch, unless we are in a job where exact work start and stop are not regulated. I have had both kinds of jobs, clock dependent and non-clock dependent, personally, I prefer the clock dependent kind. My work day begins and ends in an orderly fashion, which for this lover of routine is a good thing. I thrive on routine and order, chaos still enters my life, but with my environment controlled as much as I can, it is less damaging to me.Anyone that knows me, which today is only a hand full of folks, realizes my love of order which for me keeps life's issues at a minimum.This works for ME, though I do not recommend this lifestyle for everyone, one needs to find and adapt what works for THEM.

Hating daylight savings time (DST), is akin to the Monday haters out there, along with those that live for Friday afternoon and the weekend.It is like everyone has to have an issue to gripe about and moan and groan they do. If the worst thing life hands you is a one hour shift in your day ONCE per year, the horrid thing of needing to get up every Monday and begin another week of work, then consider yourself lucky and blessed. Finding what is wrong with life and the situations we encounter seem to be the focus and purpose in many life of so many people. Why not flip it and find what is right in life,and focus on that instead? While not all will agree or be able to adapt this mode of thinking, why not try? Since life is what we make it, why not make it the best it can be? In closing, one also has to remember that the universe does not revolve around each of us, it is a broader picture than that. If we think of others some of the time, perhaps our gripes and complaints might be better placed in perspective. Enough said...enjoy your day, enjoy your life, whatever you choose to do.