Two Decades

Twenty years ago today, well we are not speaking of Sargent Pepper and teaching the band to play. I remember twenty years ago as one of the most difficult days I will ever have to live through, and I did and grew even stronger from the experience. My sister and I accompanied my then 82 year old Mother to the surgery center for cataract surgery. My sister traveled from her home in Camden New York and we spent the day making sure all went well for our Mother. But other events happened heralding this day as one that strengthened me, and taught me to appreciate the value of my being and of others in it. My then husband, Father of our three children moved out, into his own apartment. The prior day he told them over breakfast that we prepared together. I guess telling a 7, 8 and 12 year old their Father is departing the homestead has no ideal timeline. I remember tears and disbelief, I remember mainly feeling numb and somewhat lifeless. It seemed as though it was someone else s life I was watching, and I just wanted to turn the drama off and watch a totally different show with a happier ending. He stated he was leaving to learn to be a better Father, and he made several other statements, but in my profound agony, I recall little of what he precisely said. I just knew it was over, there would be no return, and I felt it was wrong to give three young children hope the outcome could or would be different. In my hurt, I let him speak his statements, and did not argue that anything else would be what would transpire. He had packed his clothing and important items to take with him late that Sunday night. We shared a bed and little else that night and into the next morning. I arose early, preparing to pick my Mother up to take her to the surgery center. I recall the verbal out-lash of angry words I spoke to my then husband, it came forth in a spew, much like vomit that had been held down far too long. He had no replies for me, he just continued about with his business of exodus and looked at me like I was insane. He got three children off to school for me that morning, I had to leave for the business of the day. I think back now and am thankful I had such an activity to preoccupy my mind with, it helped me not to dwell on the more hurtful events of that day. My Mother did very well, we went out to lunch and got her set up with her eye drops, her schedule and all that important activity. I was home to greet three children from school. After that day, the next several months went by in a blur, I was clearly depressed and saw little hope or goodness in life other that my three children. I made it through Christmas, New Years and into February and March, mostly with a wing and a prayer. I was doing little to take care of the house, just what needed to be done to limp by and make it through each day as painlessly as I could. Spring was on the horizon when I had my epiphany. I realized I could not continue to act as though I was wounded and would never recover. I had three children to be the main caregiver for and with.After they left for school one morning, I summoned my inner strength, cleaned the house from top to bottom, grocery shopped, caught up mountains of laundry and got a home made snack ready for their arrival from the school day. It was three young lives that saved mine that day, and though I still look back, each year that I get past from that day I realize the strength I had, have and continue to amass. The three are now grown, two live on their own, one still here with me. I must say they were the bricks and mortar that put me back together again and helped me get past a rough time.

We all have our rocks that steer us back into the harbor safely. I continue to be grateful that I had three rocks that stabilized my ship and gave me strength to steer the ship the best way I could as a solo captain with no ships mate to assist. I look back and see many things I wish I could have changed that I did, but mostly, the look back is one that helps me find strength even now. My life has never been simple, but when I think about it, who has a truly simple life. We move forward one foot at a time and live our lives and stay as grounded as we possibly are able to. My brief flirt with the darkness in life gave me such a good lesson to never let anything possess me ever like that again. I always look for the lesson, the positives in ANY situation, it is what keeps me sane, safe and feeling mostly in control.

So, why do I share this now? Well mainly to proclaim to myself that I survived a bad time, and came out pretty much unscathed from it all. I am wiser, stronger, more intuitive and trusting of my inner sense of balance and meaning. I don't question following my instinct and staying true to my ethics, values and morals. I have learned to forgive and to ask forgiveness from others. It is a victory to have come from where I once was to where I have landed now. Sure, life still has its struggles, but what life worth living or thing worth having is truly easy. If one thinks about it, you know what the answer is. I also share to give others hope of a bright outcome, perhaps not the shiny future that you once envisioned, but one that is better than you would ever have thought.

                                             ~~~~~~Balance in Everything~~~~~~~~~

Knowledge Pearls

Fifty nine years and and nearly six months I have resided on this earthly plain. I find as I grow older I grow wiser, and sometimes,sadder. I realize there are so many things in life I cannot change the course of no matter how hard I try. Life is what is is, people are who they are, and circumstances happen. Recently I have found much enlightenment in life for me, I have come to the knowledge that I have more control than I realized. I may not be able to control everything I want or wish to, but I have the ability to control a great deal of the variables in my life. I have ended some toxic relationships and partnerships to make MY life simpler and deal with less strife and enjoy the journey more. I have learned to avoid situations that make life horrific, and when I cannot avoid, I limit the exposure I must have with such situations so that I can have a rapid recovery from the "trauma" the event inevitably causes.

Family and friends are what matter most for me. Of course, employment continues to be an important facet of my life, but it occupies only a certain portion of my life. It truly does not define who I am, for that was molded long ago and continues to be what it is despite any job title I may hold in my work lifetime. Family definition includes not only those I am related to by blood, but to those I have come to know as family and are supportive of me in multiple ways. Friends are also important, and even that definition has evolved over my lifetime. I have many acquaintances, but those I personally identify as true friends are the kind of people that give back as much as they get from being a friend.  True friends have become that by virtue of the kind of person they are and what we have meant to one another. These are the kind of people you can count on in the thick and thin of things, never questioning the why and when, they just are there and it humbles you to think what a lucky person you are to have someone be there like that for you. It is born out of love, and we all know true love is unconditional, it just occurs and is nothing that keeps score.

In the wisdom of age, love has also gained additional meaning, as well as additional definitions. Love that is meaningful is a constant, and grows as time passes. Perhaps in my misfortunes I have learned a better understanding of love, as well as a clearer understanding of it. So often in life we learn from our experiences and take the lesson forward with us. I know of many who shrug off love as they feel so definitely harmed by the events in their life. Often people hang onto the negative shreds and segments of life and woefully recount them, the best way for me has been to remember, and forgive transgressions. It would be folly to say forget, for the most memorable defeats in our lives are something we can never truly forget. As healthy people we can forgive, and at times this may take heroic effort on our parts. As someone who has forgiven many times, the end result produces a feeling quite like no other in life. I can equally say, to be forgiven brings a kind of feeling that releases such demons which we did not realize had been stored inside.

It is with much care and thought I put into words what I am feeling and hope that sharing some of these it can assist others in their journey in  life. I do not consider myself any kind of authority on life or the mastering of it. Quite simply, life is meant to be lived and for me it is best done with kindness and consideration, both for others as well as myself. My choices in how I live it are just that, mine. The end result also becomes mine as well.I can hold no blame upon others or situations for the way things are, it is as a result of how I have chosen to act, react or not act in any given situation. My values may or may not be what you have, but what we all choose should be respected and considered. I think we all can be more kind and considerate of others, if we only try. Many times though we may need to learn to think differently as well as act differently. Change is rarely easy, but if you want things to be different, then change must become your friend and part of your path.

This is just the tip of an ever-growing thought stream I am having these days, so bear with me kind reader and accompany on my journey of putting thoughts to word and deed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~balance in everything~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Negative Familiarity

     I often wonder what possesses people to stay involved with someone or something that has not been a good thing for them. I witness this all the time, women stay with men that are bad boys, that steal from them in countless ways, or just plain treat them badly.The same conditions hold true for men with women as well. If someone has some good points, often we try to convince ourselves that if we just hold on, they will change, or perhaps life will become somehow different for us. Truth is, as long as we continue to accept the situation as is, very little or no change will occur to make any concrete difference.Perhaps some people, men AND women, become addicted to things that are not good for them. I am not talking your run of the mill thing that is too fattening, unhealthy or bad for you in countless ways. I am talking about life stealing, contentment robbing, financial ruining, BAD kinds of situations. The addicted person so often seems bound to another person that is addicted to one thing or another. They treat you poorly, take constantly from you on multiple levels, and do not give back in any way, shape or form. Do these individuals have such poor self-esteem that they hang on to someone or something that they feel is the best they can do or will receive in life. I know some that are addicted to bad people, the misbehaving type that is always in trouble, but gee they excite you on a level you never have felt before. If you are constantly using them as an excuse why your life is the way it is, then part of the problem is YOU. People only use us when we LET them, simply put, if we tolerate, then they will continue said behavior to infinity. Perhaps we need this person for our excuse for staying "stuck", we can not abandon them or they will not survive. You may say, Robin, this is none of your business. In most respects it is not, but when witnesses multiple instances of someone you interact with on a regular basis getting used and allowing it, such observation starts to boggle the mind and create bother as well as wonder. When it starts to make a mark on one's soul, then I have to justify it, rationalize it or work towards removal of the offending parties. My psyche just cannot tolerate negativity on this level at all.
     Key in this equation that it is THEIR life, not mine. When their life intersects with mine and it starts to have an effect on my own well-being and soul, then it is time for me to take the bull by the horns and either work to help them effect change, or remove them from my life to eliminate it from my circle of life. Despite the main issue being THEIR issue, when it gravitates into my realm, then action of some sort must be made.I have to keep my sanity and realm calm for me and those I hold near and dear. Let them continue with their devil-may-care behavior, but I for one do not need continued drama to occur in my homestead.
     Their own behavior is their responsibility at this point, not mine. My head shaking and observations have not changed them OR their behavior one iota. I choose not to tolerate them or their lifestyle any longer. If it has caused me pain and suffering, even if they cannot or choose not to see it, it is my own responsibility to remove the offending party and situation as swiftly, yet kindly as permissible. I find no need to do like harm to them, they suffer already and seem not to mind it, but I do not need to heap an extra helping of harm on their already unsteady plate of life. It is my own form of Hippocratic oath, first do no harm. This simple formula helps one have a decent life, without too much regret or worry over payback, either from the individual, or the universe. Kind of like the golden rule we learned, well most of us, as small children. It is part of being a reasonable, responsible and healthy individual, and following some of those basic tenets we learned at the knee will help us have a good life and create positive ripples in the world itself.

                                                          ~~~balance in everything~~~